I know it has been a really long time since I’ve finished up my Bible School engagement story. I’m not great with the follow through. Remember 30 Days of Truth? 

I’m going to take a detour in the story of that failed romance go off the chronological path & tell you about the first flowers that he gave me, which also happened to be my first flowers ever received from a boy. So the stakes were high.

When I turned 16 my parents bought my grandmothers car & gave it to me, but I wasn’t able to bring it to school until that Spring because I had yet to get my driver’s license. 

When my parents finally drove my car into town my fiancé offered to take it out & get it all cleaned for me. I agreed & handed over the keys to his friend, because my 19-year-old fiancé did NOT have a license. 

When they finally made it back I was told that there was a surprise waiting for me in the car. I giddily headed up the hill imagining all the wonderful boyfriend type surprises I might find.

When I opened the car door I started looking around…nothing. My friend R piped up & said “Aletz I think this is it” looking down there sitting on my seat was a bunch of dead flowers picked from the side of the road secured in a rubber band…

“R. You’re lying. This is not it. This is a joke!” “I think it is Aletz. Oh my gosh…” as she busted out in laughter. 

I grabbed my dead road kill flowers, slammed the door & sulked back to my dorm room.

A few weeks later while during laundry R had received a beautiful bound box of flowers by post from the same friend who helped my fiancé pick out my spectacular bundled. 

To say I was jealous & slightly mortified would be an understatement. I mean I was the girl with the epic love story. The Romeo & Juliet fighting against all odds to be together, the girl with the ring on her finger and all I got was road kill?

I’m pretty sure R or her admirer eventually said something to my fiance because a few weeks later he went to what I’m sure was the only florist in town & delivered to me was a beautiful bouquet of roses…

But even still I can’t help but think that those road kill flowers was a sure sign for a dead love.

Thank you to Interflora.co.uk for sponsoring my dead romance story

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I first heard about The Paper Mama’s photo challenge from Jess at I Rock So What {how cool is her header?} and I thought it would be a fun way to introduce you to the new bump too!

After seeing another one of my pregnant pals belly pictures on Facebook {who is only a week or two ahead of me} I feel huge! I am even wondering if I’m having twins or triplets! I haven’t had an ultra-sound because my mid-wife doesn’t do them until closer to 14 weeks.

Is my bump also probably a little bit of LA fish taco? Possibly, but honestly on my worst day it doesn’t look this big so I’m sure it’s babe. But sheesh!

I am 11 weeks as of Wednesday & ready to be out of the first trimester. I still have only had a few encounters with the porcelain throne, but the nausea, headaches & exhaustion has got to go. 

My cravings now are bagels, anything Greek/Mediterranean that’s loaded with feta cheese {I know} & tzatziki sauce, milkshakes, yogurt & the worse craving for Chick Fil A ever in my life. 

I got a craving for Chick Fil A on Sunday of ALL DAYS. I wanted the largest lemonade & chicken salad sandwich ever. But of course it was Sunday. The closest thing I could come up with was Panera but was sadly disappointed. So first thing Monday afternoon I pulled on leggings & the best covering shirt I could find & made my way to Chick Fil A. And it did not disappoint.

My emotions have also been running high. Everything makes me cry. The Kardashian season finale. The Real Housewife wedding, Gossip Girl. Ok maybe just TV stuff but still tears abound.

Maternity Dress by NOM from Gilt 

And now enough about all of that.

Here is my official entry for the photo challenge.

Background. A few weeks ago we had a Kardashian marathon courtesy of Netflix & Kourtney & Khloe were making fun because Kim always takes pictures with her underarms showing & her mouth open.

Me. As Kim.

I could win a look a like contest don’t you think?

Currently:

Obsessing over…

Maternity clothes! DUH. I have worn nothing but leggings & t-shirts that pre-baby belly were to big but are fitting now. 

Working on…

This blog post & packing. We’re moving into a short-term rental & until probably May-ish when we can find a house we like.

Thinking about…

How tired I am! 

Anticipating…

Sleeping in the king size bed that our new temp apartment comes furnished with. 

Listening to…

Real Housewives of Beverly Hills reunion part 1. 

Eating…

Just got done eating beef stroganoff, did nothing for me. 

Wishing…

We’ve moved out already. I’m at the point in our current place where I hate it & can see every flaw & don’t want to clean or straighten up. Ugh.

P.S. My blogs anniversarybirthday was two weeks ago, but I didn’t realize that until about 30 seconds ago. I thought it was in February. Egg on my face. I usually do a big week long giveaway but this time I want to do something different. If you are a reader of this blog and obvs you are since you are in fact…reading these words I want to do a huge thank you post & would love to feature your blog. Please leave your blog and Twitter link in the comment section.

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Last week I found this hilarious & completely true list of 50 Lies That Are Ok to Tell Your Husband. So I decided to do a little spin of my own.

13 Lies that We Tell Ourselves

1. I’ll mop the floor tomorrow.

2. I’m sexy and I know it.

3. I’m really good at making headbands. I should sell them on Etsy.

4. This year I’m going to throw a small birthday party for Lily

5. Next year I’m starting my Christmas shopping in October.

6. Starting tomorrow I’m going to drink 10 glasses of water.

7. By summer I’m going to lose 20 pounds.

8. I am not buying anymore toys!

9. Just one more brownie

10. I’m going to stop worrying about others & just be the best me I can be.

11. I’m going to do everything on my to-list today.

12. Kim Kardashian isn’t really that pretty ya know.

13.  I’m a really good rapper.

Have any of your own to add?

P.S. My blogs anniversarybirthday was two weeks ago, but I didn’t realize that until about 30 seconds ago. I thought it was in February. Egg on my face. I usually do a big week long giveaway but this time I want to do something different. If you are a reader of this blog and obvs you are since you are in fact…reading these words I want to do a huge thank you post & would love to feature your blog. Please leave your blog and Twitter link in the comment section.

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Like every Sunday night for the past few months my hands start to get a little sweaty, my heart races faster & the clock on my shoulder gets louder. It’s almost Monday & I need to produce something on here. Something that is good. Something that may go viral, something that may just be that one big post I need for someone to realize my brilliance.

Don’t worry, this is not a re-hash of last week. But as I was sitting here trying to come up with something to say I started to pursue other blogs & other Pinterest boards & Facebook feeds etc. And before I could stop it a familiar feeling hit me like a lightening bolt & I realized that it was high time I took some time to face it. Stop allowing it to paralyze me.

Jealousy.

Envy.

Words I am not proud of. Characteristics that I wish did not exist in me. I know we all can be a bit envious of people for their great hair, witty sense of humor or sense of style. Innocent hoping that maybe we possessed more of those qualities. But for me it’s different. I realize obviously that everyone is different, everyone comes with their own arsenal of awesome. But sometimes I can’t find mine. Mine gets lost while stumbling to pick up something else & I forget that maybe I am good at something. Mine doesn’t seem rooted innocence. Mine seems rooted in self-pity.

Have I always been this way? Maybe. But what seemed to send my over active jealous or woe is me gene in to overdrive is my constant blog/social media stalking. I can’t tell you how many times I click off a blog & think “Wow. I’ll never be that good.” & immediately feel defeated, deflated, defective. I hate it. I try to remember that no one has a perfect life. That even if you are born with a modicum of talent in anything it still takes time to finesse it. I try to remember that even people who I know IRL that I have looked up to as a “if only I was…if only I could” have in recent years gotten the short end of the stick. Grass isn’t always greener. 

But why can’t I ever remember that? Why can’t I ever just be happy, satisfied, satiated with who I am? 

If you have read this blog for any amount of time you have quickly picked up on the fact that I am my own worst enemy. I criticize myself to the death. I’m not skinny enough, my boobs are too big. My parenting sucks. I don’t know how to make friends, I’m a crappy wife, etc. And I know that most of you while reading this will be thinking “Oh Alex! You are so hard on yourself I’m sure you are great!” and I appreciate that. And I know that, but I also wanted to share this because I felt that it could be a step in accepting me by outing myself. 

When will I finally realize I am enough? 

Do any of you struggle with this? Did struggle? How do you deal?

Right before publishing this I stumbled on this piece from Not A Real Princess over at Just Be Enough

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I have meant to blog for sometime now about being a parent who does not like kids, but every time I tried it seemed to bomb well before paragraph 2. But today as I sat out on the sunny bench at the playground being a parent who doesn’t like kids came back to me.

Phoenix is probably one of the friendliest children you will ever meet. Yes, he may point a gun at me but he also rubs my back as I vomit so you take the good with the bad & there you have the facts of life.

Because of Phoenix’s strong-willed attitude at home I always worry that in public that he will display that but he never ever ever does. I mean that. He’s like an angel with other children. If your child has fallen he will literally began to pick him up & give him a hug. 

But I started thinking today that maybe his public persona could be a problem. 

Let me start with a little background on me. I don’t like kids. I’m not a babysitter, I’m not going to chat with your kid for hours when they come up to me, & I try not to make eye contact with your adorable babbling baby because then she won’t leave me alone while I’m stuffing my face & I spend my entire meal smiling & cooing. Nice. But not my idea of fun.

I’m a mother that doesn’t like kids, except for my own. I think his stories & imagination are one of kind & could listen to him for hours…but could you?

That’s my fear every time we make our way to the park or any other public place that allows my kid to run semi-unsupervised. Instead of playing with all the other wild boys who are stealing trucks & pushing kids down he runs over to you & strikes about a conversation “Hi! I’m Phoenix Campbell. I like pirates. And my mom has a baby & I have train table & love Thomas & Percy” and on & on he goes.

“Phoenix sweetie come on over here & play in the sand” so he does until he spots another you with your 14 month old toddling around & this time he wants to play with her until I can see you looking around trying to find out who this red haired afro kid belongs to, waving from my perch at the bench with book in hand I call Phoenix over again.

I stopped myself today though because I couldn’t decide if I looked like That mother {whoever That mother is, but whomever she is we all know we don’t want to be her} or if my kid was being genuinely annoying & I was coming off as unaware.

I’m sure a lot of this is me projecting my own social stigmas on Phoenix & maybe you at the park. I probably should leave Phoenix be to explore socially however that looks {within reason} but my social anxiety is constantly on high alert. 

What is your other person kid tolerance, are you down with other people’s precious kids? Do you think a kid like Phoenix would bother you {be honest!} 

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via pinterest 

I am only a little bit ashamed to say that the episode of Modern Family from last week where Lily drops the F bombs has happened in my own house a few gazillion times. It is completely my/our fault as we/I {but mostly me} cuss like Bible school students who have been more or less kicked out of a g<odly establishment, possibly because that is exactly what I am. I’m like an Amish kid on rumspringa. 

The first few times Phoenix dropped a few choice words I cringed, the other times I cringed & scolded him but secretly smiled when he used them all in the right context. That has to count for something right?

Maybe it has gotten a little out of control & he’s aching for his turn on Jersey Shore or Jerry Springer & maybe we really need to cut down on someone swearing, be it the child or the parent.

But for now I think I’m raising a little irreverent bad ass & that might be a good thing.

1. “Mommy drop your weapon & get on the floor!” – Clearly he’s destined for a role in law enforcement & that makes me beam with pride. Also there may or may not have been a time he told me he was going to shoot me in the head if I didn’t let him do something. But everyone has a lapse in judgment right?

2. Colorful language as described above- Do I really need to say it? This kids vocabulary will certainly having him score in the Harvard range on the SAT.

3 “Mommy I just don’t care what you say!” – He’s not a follower. So when your kid wants to hand him an ounce pound kilo of coke he ain’t going to take it.

4. Said in the most sarcastic tone “Whatever you say Mommy.”- He’s going to be a good husband don’t you think?

5. Lying. “It makes my baby happy if you clean up for me”- Do I smell a novelist?

6. “Mommy go to Maryland” obvs loosely translated means “Go to hell Mommy”- He has a love for geography & travel. 

7. Me: “Phoenix you are being a whiny baby” Phoenix “No you are!”- Fairness & equality for all. 

So the next time you want to kick yourself for some bad kid behavior, find that silver lining. It’s there people. It really is.

What is the worst behavior your kid displays that they picked up from you?

But all joking aside this kid has a serious case of empathy. Last night while his Dad was out of town & I came down with a case of the morning evening fuck me all day sickness he came into the bathroom started rubbing my back & said “I’m going to help you Mommy! I’m going to take care of your baby. Just bare down!” Through my barf colored hazed I melted.

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I haven’t traditionally worked {meaning driving into an office & punching a clock} in almost 5 years. And of course like the rest of the world I would break down in tears come Sunday night. And now that I don’t work & my husband works from home {our weekends carry over sometimes, spontaneous lunches, naps, movies, whatever} Monday used to not bring me panic.

But lately Monday has been bringing me anxiety. Why? Because the bloggers & readers shut down on Friday afternoon {as it should be} & spend time living outside the computer or occasionally catching up on their reader. I have found it’s not in my best interest to post any of tantalizing new content over the weekend.

So come Sunday night I’m like “BAM. TANTALIZING!” but lately that hasn’t been happening & I freak out & I’m all “O.M.G I have nothing to say!” 

Like today. 

I had a post in mind, I started it but then I stopped it because it felt heavy for Monday & was going nowhere. I was going to start another one that might get me a few laughs or maybe a few scoldings {depends on how your funny bone works} but when I looked down at the clock & saw it was close to 9 all I could think about was darkness, cozy bed with clean linens & an episode of the Secret Circle.

So maybe I’ll use the case of the Monday’s as an excuse to post the funniest pin from Pinterest to get your Monday started off right. Because I know with last nights news we could all use a little laugh. 

via pinterest 

Happy Monday Motherfuckers

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EDIT: Have you been hearing stuff about SOPA & PIPA & been supah confused about it? Watch the video below & find out how what means for small bloggers like me & you & even the average Facebook & PINTEREST users. This is no joke people. If the internet like dies…then what? Click here to get your name on a petition. And I’m pretty sure if those voices inside of your head have an email address they will count too. 

Ah! So baby number two is gestating in me now. Am I thrilled? Like so thrilled! We found out precisely the day I knew we could. The day after this post. We had just had my IUD removed in November & at the gyno I was told that yet again this sucker was not in place. I had an ultrasound to be sure I wasn’t pregnant & the doctor told me that I would probably end up with child very soon.

My period arrived a few days later & I waited that sucker out for my Droid app to start placing nice red hearts on a few days for go time.

And obvs it worked.

My period was due the day we tested & after buying the test we went back & forth about waiting to test or just doing it. I was in such a place of “I want a baaaaaaaaaby” that I knew I wouldn’t be able to stand one more day of not knowing so I peed. And a few minutes later appeared two very faint lines.

So faint in fact I decided to test again…& again the same two lines.

Jumps & hugs & big smiles were had by all {really just the two of us} & I quickly downloaded yet another app to get my exact stats. 4 weeks & due 8/23. 

WOW. 4 weeks pregnant. That is just like a little tiny blib of a thing. It doesn’t even look like a shrimp thing yet.

But here we are 5 weeks later with a belly {damn. Was it just my gut or does every subsequent baby appear earlier than the last?} & no morning sickness {knock on wood} & fuck damn shit hell bastard bitch am I FUCKING tired. Like I want to just go up to people & shake them & say “But do you know how tired I am?! REALLY?!” Currently it is 7:40 & as soon as this post has passed my untrained editors eye I am hitting the sack. 

Cravings come & go. 2 weeks ago it was tuna fish subs from Subway. The first few weeks was spinach artichoke dip & right now it’s just water…

Phoenix is being I.N.C.R.E.D.I.B.L.E  like beyond. Talks about how he is going to protect the baby & cheer the baby up when she {he thinks it’s a she} is sick or sad. Kisses my belly at night, brings me vitamins & bandaids. Like awesome. 

And that my friends will conclude the less than thrilling “I’m pregnant update” because this gestating Mommy is a tired banshee.

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Pinterest has such awesome ideas don’t they? I’ve tried a few…mostly food related & one pin I filed under brilliant. Boiling orange peels with a dash of cinnamon to get a “heavenly” scent. Honestly after about 5-6 minutes it started to stink a bit & the pot is left looking less than appealing.

I’m sure {like most of you} spend hours pinning projects by ambitious crafters to my DIY board. I also have two other sewing related boards but until I fix my bobbin winding problem {hit me up if you are an avid sewer person that can help me} the sewing stuff will have to wait. I don’t know how many things I have piling up on my DIY board but it’s a lot! So much so that this year one of my resolutions is to pick one project from Pinterest & actually do it.

This week I picked the easiest one & I think it’s going to turn out pretty good.

original idea found here. 

uh & my 12-year-old sister would like credit for all the “text” 

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via pinterest

Some point during or after the holiday season with the big green tree & blinking lights there was a controversy brewing over at Mecca Mom aka Target over some breastfeeding Mom.

My husband was the one who actually brought the thing to my attention & after reading it I thought Target acted unfairly & that had I had a nursing baby of my own I may just make a trip to Target to protest with the masses. Until a week or so later when I came across this article & picture about the sitch & had a slight change of mind.

I am a huge, huge, breastfeeding advocate. Liquid gold all the way baby. I cried when I started, I cried when I was told I couldn’t breastfeed, I cried when it felt like there was a lighter running over my nipples & I cried when I stopped. It was truly the most, blah, blah, magical moment ever.

I have always been a supporter of women being able to take care of their starving & screaming baby when the time called. And when I first read the story of the Texas Target mom I thought that Target made a big no-no. Here you have a mother sitting in Starbucks with her feet propped up on a chair nursing a bottle of water & an infant with her Hooter Hider…wait…or maybe not. And I changed my mind.

I don’t think I can support the notion that a woman should be allowed to nurse her child in public with her breast hanging out like in this picture. I just can’t.

Yes, if you are a nursing momma & the time calls to whip those puppies out you do the damn thing girl, but let’s do it with a modicum of respect for the other people around you. Would I be quick to call it gross or disgusting or unsanitary if I saw this? No, but would I think it was  & a tad bit inappropriate/rude, to be enjoying my hot chocolate & biscotti while having to take in some womans areola? Yes I would.

Just because one of the functions of a breast is to give life & nutrients to your child doesn’t mean you have to put it on display. My vagina also has a life-giving function. Next time I’m at Red Lobster {which is never} should I prop mine up?

Everyone has the right to eat, but its rude when diners around you eat with their mouth open. 

And also as I read the comments on this post & see that the original mother had 4 kids with her & was sitting in the middle of the floor I take back my “I’d support it” comment. If my 3 year old needed lunch I wouldn’t sit him in the middle of the aisle with a Happy Meal. Common decency. 

What are your thoughts on breastfeeding in public? 

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