Flying like a bird with prayers from my mouth
Our Father, who art in heaven,
hallowed be thy name.
Thy Kingdom come,
thy will be done,
on earth as it is in heaven
Give us this day our daily bread.
And forgive us our trespasses,
as we forgive those who trespass against us.
And lead us not into temptation,
but deliver us from evil.
For thine is the kingdom,
the power and the glory,
for ever and ever.
Amen.
Sometimes. It’s easier just to close my eyes and say a prayer.
God, Give us the grace to accept with serenity
the things that cannot be changed, Courage
to change the things which should be changed,
And the wisdom to distinguish the one from the other.
Sometimes. I just need strength. Because as beautiful as it is.
Sometimes being a mother is hard & so very ugly.
Phoenix has never been a quiet child. He’s never been one to calmly do anything.
I knew this in utero. I knew he’d be giving me a run for my money.
I face my reality most days. And most days I really, really am ok with that.
Most days I think about this woman or the mother of the 9 yro girl in Arizona who will always miss those tantrums and I think how lucky I am.
But other days its hard. And those days I have to stick him in his time out chair, close the door and sit on the steps for a moment to compose myself. To repeat prayers or serenity and strength. Grace, compassion, patience & mercy.
I feel like a failure. Maybe if I was as consistent with him as I am with my social media takeover I’d speak and he’d stop. But he doesn’t.
And I love him. Gosh. Do I love him. And I never miss a moment to tell him, but its hard you know?
I feel like a failure that my mom immediately knows what to do. But she should. She’s done it 8 times.
And tantrums still abound. And I’m still here pressing on. Pushing further & further.
My uterus is crying out for another child. My breast poised & ready to be turned into a human milk fountain. But still tantrums abound.
I miss the days of waking up 3 & 4 times a night to nurse. Somehow in that it was not nearly as exhausting as it is to have to listen to whining from sun up to sun down and even in the in between when for because of sweet sweet sleep it stops, but here it doesn’t always. Here there are even tantrums in his sleep.
Still tantrums abound.
I don’t know what to do anymore. It’s frustrating. Its publicly humiliation. And I’m lost.
Dear God- Please make me a bird so I can fly far, far away from here …. when the tantrums & the whining starts. Dear God- Please me a bird so I can fly far, far away from here … Pray with me Forrest.
I think I now understand the phrase “My momma was a praying women”
I bet she was. I bet she was.
I’d like to point your attention over to the fact that I was totally syndicated at BlogHer yesterday. Wooooooo Hoooooo. Please, please, please check it out.
Also on Wednesday at 10 AM I’ll be chatting with About One about fashion & mom style on Twitter. Head over to their Facebook fan page for deets.
Twitter: Alexsworld10
Says:
January 11th, 2011 at 9:22 pm
Oh Girl I hear ya!!.. Lord knows its hard,but they are worth it and we are so very lucky.
Great post and very well written.
Alex
Alex recently posted..No Diaper Bag Necessary
[Reply]
January 12th, 2011 at 2:23 am
@alexcampbell11 just read it. I really enjoy reading your posts keep up the good work and breath
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January 12th, 2011 at 2:24 am
RT @alexcampbell11: New post on tantrums & motherhood could use some comment love http://beforethebabywakes.com/2011/01/fl…
[Reply]
January 12th, 2011 at 2:25 am
RT @alexcampbell11: New post on tantrums & motherhood could use some comment love http://beforethebabywakes.com/2011/01/fl…
[Reply]
Twitter: adventuroo
Says:
January 11th, 2011 at 9:29 pm
Awww I wanna reach into internet-land and give you a big non-virtual hug!
Some days motherhood DOES bite. My three year old is giving me fits lately too. I don’t have any real advice other than if it isn’t getting any better, change it up. Try a different technique, look for the trigger points, research books or babycenter for advice (just stay away for the forums- some crazies in there!) and if all else fails, ask for help. It’s OKAY not to feel in control sometimes but it WILL get better, chica. xoxo
Melissa {adventuroo} recently posted..Jump Off the Bandwagon and onto the Intention Train
[Reply]
January 11th, 2011 at 9:34 pm
[...] This post was mentioned on Twitter by Alexandra, Alexandria Campbell, Alexandria Campbell and others. Alexandria Campbell said: Flying like a bird with prayers from my mouth http://f.ast.ly/xkBX9 [...]
Twitter: pnpyaya
Says:
January 11th, 2011 at 9:37 pm
Mother’s Day was created because of these phases in child-rearing. The only way you fail is if you give up, and that I know you will never do because of your love for him and his love for you, remember you are his BFF
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Twitter: 4EverAfterBlog
Says:
January 11th, 2011 at 9:51 pm
Oh I feel ya. I’ve been Feeling on the brink of crazy since toddlerhood arrived. You’re so right. Looking back, though tiring, those babyhood days do seem much easier now.
So wonderfully written. I teared up a little. And your (mother’s?) comment just goes to show what a loving and supportive example you have. You’re doing great. Hopefully we will look back on this crazy time and laugh.
Hopefully.
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Twitter: nevertruetales
Says:
January 12th, 2011 at 11:19 am
This was a beautiful post. (And anyone who writes like this will get through those terrible tantrum years!)
Amy @ Never-True Tales recently posted..What We’re Reading- Winter 2011 Edition
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Twitter: Mommynanibooboo
Says:
January 13th, 2011 at 3:58 pm
It’s true.
Nothing can bring a mama to her knees like a two year old… except for maybe a three year old.
Beautiful.
Jenni Chiu recently posted..Zen and the Art Of Paralyzed Shih Tzu Maintenance
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Twitter: KarenMPeterson
Says:
January 15th, 2011 at 1:52 pm
The beauty of the internet and the blogoverse is that you know you’re not alone in feeling this way. I’m sure you’re a very good mother.
Who knows? Maybe a sibling is exactly what your kiddo needs.
Karen Peterson recently posted..Karens Blog of the Week- Everyday Kings and Pennies on a Platter
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Twitter: http://www.kludgymom.com
Says:
January 15th, 2011 at 8:23 pm
Hugs to you. I spenta year and half with a tantruming toddler. It turned out he had sensory processing disorder. I’m not saying your kid does…but if it gets extreme, where he’s tantruming for 45 minutes to an hour multiple times a day…you may want to talk to your ped about it.
I hope it gets better.
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Twitter: Mommyfriend
Says:
January 16th, 2011 at 12:45 pm
Love this, all so true. Been there so many times. Thanks for posting this.
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Twitter: mommyhoodnxtrt
Says:
January 16th, 2011 at 8:17 pm
I really enjoyed this post. Motherhood presents me with new challenges each month, each day, each hour (sometimes). In hind sight, and as I am learning through reflection, nothing is a bad as it seems in the moment. Take each day in stride and continue to pray and remain as positive as possible.
[Reply]
Twitter: alexcampbell11
Says:
January 19th, 2011 at 10:31 pm
Thank you all for the comments. It is nice to know that I’m not alone in feeling this way. It always seems to be magnified when Shawn is out of town
And just when you think you can’t handle it anymore that tantruming 2 yro steps up and says “Mommy you’re the best”
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