Making peace with the truth of today
I turned 24 on the 20th. And I cried the entire day.
I spent the day scrubbing my kitchen & bathroom floors trying to rid them of the familiar markers of a 3 year old.
My eyes blurred with a mixture of tears & sweat as I tirelessly maneuvered the sponge across every tile. When I had completed my scrubbing I made my way to my bedroom, buried myself in my pillows & sobbed.
I told everyone the day before I didn’t want to mention my birthday, I didn’t want to sing, I didn’t want hugs or silly smiles I wanted no mention of it. Period. No one listened. Least of all my husband & all day, every where I turned was another reminder of 24 years behind me.
I had a lot of aspirations growing up, ask my mother. A chef, a singer, a ballerina, a model, an FBI agent, a lawyer, a judge, an interior designer. Those are just a few of the things I’d imagine I could grow to be while I wrote in my diary.
I could have been all of those things I’m sure, but instead I’m a mother & a wife. And that about sums me up at 24. Truth is…I fear my opportunity to be something more & to acquire prestige titles has long passed me.
When my forgotten pictures have been exposed from their hiding place inside of a beautiful old wooden box I want my grandchildren to trace the lines of my face & say “That was an accomplished woman. She could do anything.” I want the legacy that I leave behind to fill the room long after I’ve made my way onto glory.
In the hallow recesses of my brain I know the truth, I know that 24 is only a short post mark on a life that I intend to make great, I just need to start. And start somewhere. Slowly but surely turning my mundane, my inadequate self into an extraordinary work of perfection, whatever it will be.
Even if only it’s perfecting the chocolate chip cookies or the fine pressing of a shirt sleeve. This will be enough.
Sharing my story at Just Be Enough
**Programming note: There’s a neglected BTBW Facebook fan page floating around the web. If you already like it abundant thanks to you. But maybe now would be a good time to visit. Why? Well for starters there’s a train wreck Kardashian video on there from last week, a scientific poll, a discussion on Once Upon a Time & Grimm {hello awesomeness} and an album of good eats.
Twitter: FarewellStrangr
says:
I don’t want to diminish your feelings by telling you that at 24 you’ve barely begun (which isn’t actually true anyway because you’ve already accomplished a lot!) but you have by no means missed the boat. There’s lots of time to do what you want to do. You just have to start. And just think – you have the benefit of starting a family young, which means you’ll have time after your kids are grown to really ramp up the building beautiful stuff. A piece at a time – start now.
Thanks for linking up with us!
As someone before me said: 24 is nothing! You’re a strong and beautiful mother and writer. Believe me – you get stronger with age! More assured, more eager and able to let that creativity out. If you’re doing this great at 24 – imagine what you’ll be like at 30 or 40!
Twitter: yummommies
says:
Aww…cheer up mama. Life is meant to be celebrated. And seeing another year of life is a blessing. So, what you’re not a restaurant chef, lawyer, etc.
You still have time to make your dreams come true. I saw that first hand with my mom. She gave up her dreams to raise five kids and she ended up going back to school for her degree at 48 and now she’s finally got her dream job. This is your life and you can take control of it.
Twitter: alexcampbell11
says:
@YUMMommy,
In my head I know this, but then it gets clouded by the my super mom alter ego. I think about wanting more babies & wondering how a career or schooling or anything would fit in with that & I push it out of my head. It drives my husband crazy & reminds me often that he didn’t even start his music career until he was 26!
A few years ago, when my niece wasn’t even a year old, my sister needed to go out of town for work. The problem was, my niece was sick and couldn’t go to daycare. My brother-in-law had taken off work, but the stomach virus that my niece had claimed him as a victim, too. So, I flew up and gleefully took over “mom” duties for a couple days.
I was crying by the end of day 1. I was begging my sister to come home by day 2.
I don’t know how moms do it. I didn’t have a CLUE what moms go through. My niece was an angelic baby, but the sheer amount of things my sister did every day overwhelmed me. To this day, “Mom” has definitely been one of the hardest things I’ve ever tried to do, and I wasn’t very good at it. I have no idea what’s going to happen when that’s a title I take on for real.
I know it feels overwhelming. I often wonder what I’m doing with my life, too (more now that I’ve hit 30), and all I can say is that you’re not alone (and I coach people much older than us and say the same thing). You are in control. It may not feel like it, but you are. This is your life and you get to decide what you do with it.
I started my first business at 25. Today, I announced through the JBE meme that I’m closing it. My life has changed so much in just four and a half years; can you imagine where you’ll be in that same amount of time?
And the thing about legacies? You have to be gone to know what yours really is. Living’s better.
Twitter: alexcampbell11
says:
@Brandi,
Ever since becoming a mother I have gained a new found perspective for my mother who raised 8 kids & for the first 10 years often was alone because my Dad was in the Navy. Being a mother is the hardest job ever & the rewards can be few & far between. And some days my other side of my heart feels neglected & that’s when I have these moments of “My life is passing me by!!”
But I like the last line of your comment. Living is better!
Twitter: MamaWantsThis
says:
You are absolutely leaving a mark in the world – in that of your child, and what’s more important than raising a future citizen of the world?
And remember, many have done great things at a later age. Stay the course.
Thank you for linking up to JBE!
Twitter: alexcampbell11
says:
@Alison@Mama Wants This,
Thanks for the encouragement Alison
Twitter: NorthOnHarper
says:
24 is too young to write off life…. or if it isn’t, then please put me out of my misery.
And by the way, in terms of accomplishments (and not including the family aspect), you are a beautiful writer.
Twitter: alexcampbell11
says:
@Alexis of NorthOnHarper,
::sigh:: thanks Alexis.
You are too hard on yourself, I must agree.First at all 24 is nothing….so many women achieve success in their 40′s after they are done raising their babies…..with that said you achieved way more then many 24 year olds out there.So start believing in yourself…you are not late for anything.You have your whole life ahead of you, believe me. Age is just a number!
Twitter: alexcampbell11
says:
@Bibi,
You know what’s funny? Because of the huge age gap between my husband & I, I often say age is just a number, but when it comes to me I never remember it!
I am really hard on myself & I often over analyze & I think too much.
Being a Mother and Wife is ‘hard work’ and an awesome profession……. Something to really be proud of… Oh, 24 that was such a loooooong time ago for me
Twitter: alexcampbell11
says:
@Debra,
WOW! Did you know that you are a writer? And having browsed around your website, did you know that you are creative? These things can never be taken away from you. Oh, and by the way, you ARE young and have so much time ahead of you!
To give you some perspective, several years ago, I sat in the audience of a panel on Motherhood and Careers. On the panel there was a CEO in her late 30s admitting to us that she couldn’t work out when she could schedule in having a child, let alone more than one. She wondered how her life might be if she had prioritized having children when she was much younger. Then, there was a woman in her late 40s who had become a mother at a young age and had started studying in her 30s. She was an incredibly successful business woman.
There is no right or wrong time to be a mom. But there is always a right time to believe in yourself and the bright future that awaits you. I hope you start today!
Twitter: alexcampbell11
says:
@Tania Elfersy (@PurpleLeavesRed),
Tania! Such an ENCOURAGING comment!!! And much appreciated it!!!
I wonder why in a world where we live longer than ever before theres so much pressure to succeed younger.Our kids are rushed off to school at 3 and 4 years old and pressured to learn everything so young they barely have a childhood.
slow down and appreciate each little thing,each little joy.When we are gone no-one says well he never missed a day at work lol.They say what a wonderful person they were and how many lives they touched personally.
Twitter: alexcampbell11
says:
@Michelle jadaa,
You’re so right. Last summer I attended a funeral for a family friend & the thing that resonated the most with me is how faithful of a husband & father he was. Like you said, nothing about what kind of career success he had achieved but just about how faithful he was to his family.
I agree with Latte Junkie. You are leaving a mark. Probably more than you even know right now for your little one. Also–and you have probably heard this in the past, you have time. You don’t have to have it all figured out right now. Thank you so very much for linking this up with JBE!
Twitter: alexcampbell11
says:
@Elena @JustBeEnough,
Thanks Elena! I enjoyed writing for this prompt looking forward to participating more.
You are to hard on yourself! The fact that you blog means you are leaving a mark. The fact that you are a mother means that you are leaving a mark. The fact that you are part of JBE means you are leaving a mark.
Try and reframe your pictures, a new perspective may be all it needs!
XX
Twitter: alexcampbell11
says:
@Lattejunkie,
Leaving a mark is exactly WHY I blog. One day I’m going to be all old & senile I want to be able to remember all of this stuff.