How motherhood in your 20s look.

 

 

On my 21st birthday I was sitting on my sofa watching Sex & The City, eating Chipotle & nursing a baby. There was no dropping it like it was hot, no plastering my vagina all up on some window for everyone to see like Snookie, & the stumbling you saw at 2 in the morning was picking up a baby for a feeding & not the sign of a good time.

I am most certainly not your average 24 year old. I’ve been married legally for 3 years {Saturday} but have lived in glorious lust filled sin for 5. I feel old. I feel different from my counterparts that are taking midterms, perfecting resumes, & moving in with boyfriends for the first time. I don’t have much in common with them. My worries are different. My joys counted quietly as to not wake the sleeping kid.

But I am still 24.

So maybe that’s why what seem like normal gripes, issues, & practices of other moms seem so foreign to me.

I don’t get the back & forth with yourself to keep your sexy. This week I read at Little Pink Monster* one moms struggle to wax it all off {Mr. Miyagi} and if it was inappropriate now that there are kids. I’ve never waxed it all off before, my husband has a visceral reaction to it, it feels “young” to him & that creeps him out. I was never a sexed up girl. But I also don’t feel that in the 3 years I’ve been Mom that I have lost my sex appeal or my sex drive. I can’t see why having a kid would make you second guess any of that. Sex is how you got here in the first place right? You put that baby to bed & you do it. And if you co-sleep you put that baby to bed & you do it in the closet. And if your closet isn’t big enough you put that baby to bed & you go to the roof and if…ok, too much?

I also am not well-read. You probably knew that anyway because of my horrible grammar. But I didn’t read parenting books before having Phoenix, I don’t read them now. Ok, that is a tiny lie. I did read  The Baby Whisperer & I recently read The Happiest Toddler on the Block But that was only because I felt like that was what moms did at each new stage. But I don’t read them because duh. Every single kid is different I’m not going to beat myself up over Max the example child or concern myself with staying by the book. I also do not read Parenting Magazine. And charts & milestones? I honestly have no idea if Phoenix should be able to spell his name, not spell his name or pop the cork on my Moscato. 

I didn’t know about red-shiriting or when the pre-school cut-off was & had no idea it was something I ever needed to be concerned with. Elf on the Shelf? Last year I thought it was an elf that select bloggers sent back & forth as some fun Holiday meme. Last week I was in Target & realized it was a whole suburban mom thing & I had zero want to participate in it.

The small stuff of motherhood don’t stress me too much. I am by no mean saying that motherhood is not an evil raging bitch, a lot of time it is. And I totally identify with the relation between mother/child. But what I don’t relate to is how motherhood affects the you and the losing of you.

Maybe its because for me. I’ve always been a mother. Pregnant a month after I turned 20. that’s like what my whole life? I don’t have any other person to mourn. In the same journey as watching someone else figure out who they are I am finding out who I am.

So maybe in the end being a teen mom isn’t so bad.

 

 

*My post was in no way meant to be mean spirited or all snarky & hopefully is not taken that way. I am a huge huge huge fan of Natasha {& Rebecca’s} & only used her {their} post because it was recent & what got me thinking. 

 

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13 Responses to “How motherhood in your 20s look.”

  1. [...] don’t usually talk about my sex life on my blog & can only think of one time I broached the subject on my blog because like I mentioned yesterday there are family & friends who read this shit & that is [...]

  2. Anne-Marie says:

    If I’m lucky enough to be a mom, I’m going to be an “older” mom. But as I see my friends who are finished with their teens at my age (well, you’re never finished, but dude, they don’t need a sitter anymore, and I’m wondering how I’ll afford one!!) I wonder if all the sacrifice they made wasn’t the tragedy I assumed it was. Sure, I studied abroad while they changed diapers and picked pre-schools, but now they’re traveling and can afford actual meals; I did Italy on a steady diet of Nutella. I’d never trade most of my experiences, but I find I’m here, at 37, looking at being a single mom, and I’m not as together as I thought I would be. I might as well have jumped in back when an all nighter didn’t kick my ass.

    You sound like an awesome mom, and that has zero to do with the number on your driver’s license.

    [Reply]

  3. Tricia says:

    I had my first child at 23 and I did lose my old self, but not in a bad way, not in the “ack! I’m losing my identity and scramble to get it back way”. With the birth of my daughter I began to discover myself, more of my real true self, and while that meant losing more of my superficial selfish self, that was okay with me.

    Becoming a mother in my 20’s helped me find myself not lose myself.

    Fun post, just stopped by from Thought-Provoking Thursdays, I like your writing style!

    [Reply]

    Alexandria Campbell
    Twitter: alexcampbell11
    Reply:

    @Tricia,
    I just think that there wasn’t much of “me” to lose before baby so I didn’t feel any great sense of loss. But I do agree with you that being a mother is helped me find myself {if only a little bit}

    [Reply]

  4. Alexis of NorthOnHarper
    Twitter: NorthOnHarper
    says:

    Its funny… I went to college, moved across the country, got a job, got married at age 26….. I am 28 now and haven’t had kids…..

    I don’t think there is necessarily one right way to do things—- just what works for you!

    [Reply]

  5. Keisha A. says:

    I found out I was pregnant 4 months after turning 21, & my now husband had been 21 for a mere 2 months! I always say, “wow, I’m glad I got to experience the ‘bar scene’ before having a baby!” I went through a horrible depression & angry time period after our son was born. I struggled w/ losing my identity(I always said I hated kids & I wanted a career-I am now a SAHM, ha!). See, I was THAT expectant mom, reading books & getting confused. I see now that it has only done more harm than good. I keep trying to see where my son measures up, (bc hes currently taking speech therapy). So, I’ve started laughing at most charts/pie graphs/standards, bc they just piss me off now! :) Luckily, my husband & I have finally started ‘getting our groove back’ and its taken a few years sadly. My body isnt what it used to be, & damnit I’ve started getting over that finally lol Thank you for posting this! Guess I needed to rant a bit, too! :P

    [Reply]

    Alexandria Campbell
    Twitter: alexcampbell11
    Reply:

    @Keisha A.,
    I never had the bar scene & every once in awhile I wonder if it would have been something that would have been fun, but not too often.

    [Reply]

  6. Adryon
    Twitter: http://www.adryonskitchen.com
    says:

    I feel like a hybrid of the view points. I read Natasha’s post this morning and found it really interesting. I had a baby at 19. I also became a widow at 24 so I’m all sorts of fucked up. However, even at that point in my life, I noticed myself being all ‘pffft, who gives a shit’ and letting everything slide a little bit.

    Being engaged again, I feel myself sexing it up more than I did in my first marriage and being happy about it. Finding the balance between the yoga pants and the see-thru ones.

    [Reply]

    Alexandria Campbell
    Twitter: alexcampbell11
    Reply:

    @Adryon,
    I’m sure you are far from fucked up! But I know what you mean. I feel like my stupid engagement at 16 fucked me up too!

    At 24 now I enjoy being able to carry the “who gives a shit” attitude worrying about other people is going to give me wrinkles!

    [Reply]

  7. Natasha says:

    No offense taken! I think your outlook is great & you know what, we’re all so different that I don’t there’s a “wrong” answer. At the end of the day we all love our kids, love our husbands & each handle struggles differently.

    I think putting yourself out there for others to read & know how other moms feel is awesome. I’m sure you’re not the only young mom who feels this way. (ps- my mom had me at 19, I wonder if she felt like you too…)

    Great post (:

    [Reply]

    Alexandria Campbell
    Twitter: alexcampbell11
    Reply:

    @Natasha,
    Phew! So glad you got where I was coming from! The internet can be tricky when it comes to interpreting the meaning behind stuff. I wouldn’t want to piss off one of my fav bloggers!

    My mom also had me at 19 (she & my Dad married at 17)

    [Reply]

  8. Marcy Burris says:

    So true! I feel a lot of the same things… I got pregnant with my first child at 19 and now at 26 I am pregnant with my second child… between my husband and I we are getting ready to have three kids. Most of my friends are just now getting engaged, etc. so I am totally ahead of the game!

    [Reply]

    Alexandria Campbell
    Twitter: alexcampbell11
    Reply:

    @Marcy Burris,
    I feel the same way! In fact I have a childhood friend who just announced her pregnancy & when I said congrats she said “Oh but we’re so young” and I’m like “Girl! You are old by my standards!” LOL

    [Reply]

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