Motherhood is a choice you make everyday to not run away or crawl into a ball
Remember how last Monday I was all basking in the morning glow of motherhood. Waxing on about the chirping birds, morning caves, and all that other ra-ra-ra being a mom rocks stuff?
But isn’t it just like the Universe of Motherhood to pull the rug from under you when you’re prancing along learning letter & writing with glitter pens to say “Uh hold on a second Mrs. Cleaver, you don’t have this shit quite locked up yet.”
This week was a long & trying one. We only have 1 car, which at times is frustrating but considering Shawn works mostly from home it’s not an issue. We’ll get one eventually in the very near future but it’s not an immediate issue…unless it’s a week Shawn has meetings & sessions. Like this week.
Phoenix decided this week that everything we could do at home was boring*. Monday we went to the park early & spent most of the day outside, but after that, temperatures in LA reached upwards to the 90′s. If it was a cooler week we could have very easily walked across the street to the huge mall & spent the day there. But the thought of leaving the apartment to empty the trash was making me panic {obviously this is just an example because I don’t do trash}. I’m 6 months pregnant & it was effing hot.
By Saturday I was done & frustrated & wanting to be anywhere but home. So we hit the movie theaters with my family & saw Chimpanzee {cute}
But that’s when I thought of crawling into a dirty mall corner & rocking back & forth. He talked & asked a million related & unrelated questions the entire movie. And had no less than 5 meltdowns in the mall afterwards when I told him we were not riding the train. And while waiting for my parents movie to let out he found chewed up gum & stuck it on his Percy Train. He spun around in circles, climbed railings & tables…
And I cried in the mall food court.
Here I am 6 months pregnant with a baby I was desperate to have to expand a family that I feel immensely proud to be a part of.
I was rooted in my chair & could feel baby #2 dancing his way around my uterus while my oldest is wreaking havoc on The Westfield Promenade & I all I could do was cry.
How in the world am I going to handle a second child? How am I ever going to go in public again alone?
I could feel the stares from the young married couple & their parents from the next table over and I was this close to going up & saying “When you have kids you’ll understand…bitch” in some kind NeNe fashion.
I couldn’t even get up to get him when he started climbing the railings because-and if I can be completely frank here- I knew if I got up I may use more force than necessary to corral him & I never want to be that mom. Ever. So I sat & he climbed & spun circles until I felt I had controlled myself to calmly walk over & stop and/or remove him & place him in the seat.
I wanted to run & hide but where was I going to go that he would come following after me hollering as he goes “Mommy! Mommy! Where are you going?! Mommy answer meeeeeeeee!”
I still have no idea how I’ll handle two kids, if I’ll ever see the sunlight, if I’ll ever have contact with other people but I’m going to try & if all else fails…I guess I’ll try again because really what else can you do?
*If you have fun easy at home things to do with an almost 4 year old let me know or better yet pin them to this board I’ve opened to others to pin to.
[...] hard was at the mall after a movie. I won’t rehash everything in this post because I already wrote at length about it several months ago. But long story short I knew it would be [...]
[...] mind has been consumed with all kinds of things the last several months & weeks. Making the transition from 1 kid to two without losing my mind, making Phoenix feel included, important & not forgotten, reminding my husband that 3 AM [...]
[...] Motherhood is a choice you make everyday to – Before the Baby …Apr 23, 2012 … Rachel Perlis Says: April 25th, 2012 at 2:20 am. It’s true. You really have no option but to accept the fact that you have two kids to look after and … [...]
Remember how last Monday I was all basking in the morning glow of motherhood. Waxing on about the chirping birds, morning caves, and all that other ra-ra-ra being a mom rocks stuff? But isn’t it just like the Universe of Motherhood to pull the rug from under you when you’re prancing along learning letter & [...]
Patricia recently posted..How does data recovery work?
Oh you poor Mommy! You will be able to handle 2. Shortly after #2 was born I remember thinking “Oh my gosh . . . we should have waited!” #1 and #2 are 2.5 years apart. After a few weeks things came together and we fell into our new routine. Take care
I’m not sure if you’re interested, but I have family activities posted on my blog that I’ve done with my kids. Click on the Family Fun tab to check them out if you’d like to!
Erin recently posted..4 year old Hippo Birthday
Have I got something for you. When my son was 3 I took a bunch of kitchen pans, a plastic spoon or something he couldn’t poke himself with, plastic bowls works too and I let him have his own music band. I even gave him a drawer full of whatever. He would spend hours busy in the drawer or making pan music. Another thing he loved a lot was boxes. My husband and I wondered why we bothered buying toys when the simplest things just kept him busy. So try
1)empty boxes
2)plastic stuffs to have a pretend band
Good luck
webly recently posted..Spicy Meatballs With Brown Rice Pasta
Oh, wow. I have a 2 1/2 year old, and am not pregnant again, but I can totally relate to this. My daughter isn’t a complete wreck, but she’s just enough energy and trouble to keep me on my toes, and sometimes make me want to break down in cry {in lieu of “being that mom” as you put it} … And I know this is probably going to SUCK to hear {read ?}, but I’d be more worried if a 4 year old boy weren’t running around and going crazy. Kids are kids, and they have so much energy, that they really just need to let it out ! {Gee, I think I’ve told myself that about my daughter so much that I’ve actually started believing it ! ACK.}
Love your blog, btw. Witty, blunt and very fun to read
Twitter: alexcampbell11
says:
@Jackie,
You sound like my Mom! She always says “But he’s a boooooy!” And most days I’m ok with it, But last week it was like “PLEASE LETS JUST SIT & STARE & BE QUIET!” Thank you so much for stopping by
I found the change from 1 to 2 kids the hardest. Going from 2-3 was fairly easy. But don’t stress over it too much. You will handle it, it just might take some new coping techniques! Don’t forget to take some time out for yourself too. It took me a very long time to learn that lesson and boy does it make a huge difference. You can come back refreshed and ready to tackle another day. Good luck!
I found your blog through the blogger comment club- thanks for letting me visit.
Kerry recently posted..11 Recipes I Can’t Live Without– #5-6
It’s true. You really have no option but to accept the fact that you have two kids to look after and love wholeheartedly. Give them some time and when they grow up, you’ll be very proud of yourself doing all you can for them.
Rachel Perlis recently posted..Client Services Project Coordinator
Ack- Hang in there, Alex- I find myself in the same boat- Just today, getting from the front entrance of Target, to the bathroom, to washed hands, to the pharmacy seemed like it took forever and I looked like crazy woman barking at my kids. And, I’m not even pregnant.
Tricia recently posted..The $50 Origami Birthday Party! {DailyBuzz Moms 9×9)
Ooooh, sending you hugs. I have three (well, 5, but my two stepsons are nearly grown). Please don’t feel like you have to be happy about it all the time, no matter how much you want and love your babies. I love my kids more than anything, but they still give me plenty of junk to blog about. There will always be days like this – and there will always be great ones. Some days you’ll be so overworked and hormonal and tired you won’t remember the last great one, but then one of them smiles a certain way or pats your hand sweetly and all is well again. LOVED your graphic – “forgive yourself over and over…” So true.
hollow tree ventures recently posted..Mom’s In Her Non-Mom-Jean Jeans
Being a mother for is like the best job I ever got . All of your hardships will pay off. Just Don’t stress yourself too much. have your parent or your in-laws by your side to help you out.
Nicole Mak recently posted..4 Chic Ways to Celebrate Earth Day
Honey, give yourself a break. Please! You are doing awesome and yes, two will be harder but you’ll find your rhythym… I promise!
Also, we’re neighbors. Mine’s oldest is 4 also. Maybe a mall play date? I’m not the typical mommy & me mama. I don’t judge
Kristi recently posted..Captcha Sucks!
Twitter: NorthOnHarper
says:
I think you can totally overcome this and manage two munchkins. And I am pretty sure there are days where all parents feel overwhelmed… it is just coming out on the other side!
Alexis Grace recently posted..Where For Art Thou Spring?
I have 5 kids – the first two were a year apart, then when they were 4 and 3 I had #3.
This is the time to ask for help from friends/family you trust with Phoenix – to read scads of books to him – to let him make a mess with (safety 
scissors and paper and and glue (have Shawn clean it up!)- to color and draw and watch some educational stuff on tv and to let some things go. I remember sitting on the floor crying in the midst of the biggest toy/clutter mess you ever saw more than once. But in retrospect it wasn’t so bad. You love both your babies and everything is gonna be alright!
You’ve gotta give yourself a break! You’re *six months pregnant* – that’s pretty pregnant
Lisa Taylor recently posted..Teetering
I’m expecting our 4th baby… ahhhh. Lol, But really I find that it get’s much simpler with each kid. Sounds crazy but some how it works out.
Twitter: Emmymom2
says:
That is exacatly why we have to blog/journal about the good times and those good days for days just like this. That way when we are rocking the in corner crying we can pull it out and read the good and remember oh yes they do happen!
I will not lie-having more than one can be really hard at times but you will be amazed at how much more you love, how much more you will be capable of. You can do it!!
And I don’t have time to pin right now– but here is a link to a whole section of things to do with kids on my blog- some are more complex but I am sure you can find some good ideas. Doing these time for tots days once a week-which is all I did- seemed to make the whole rest of the week go better as we had that one really good day where we did a lot http://www.emmymom2.com/search/label/Time%20For%20Tots
Emmy recently posted..Why a 7-year-old Should Not Buy a Car