I can’t think of a better title so read why I’m a chicken & not a feisty bad ass.
I have always considered myself to be among the “bitchy” sect of women {not like the awful bitches, but the good bitches, because they do exist} who have no problem telling it like it is, getting what they want, & rocking really cute heels all at the same time. Like Miranda with Carrie’s closet.
But the truth of the matter is I’m not. I’m not as feisty as I seem inside my head. I’m painfully shy-until you get me talking in which I get a bit socially awkward & tell you about that time my bible school friends & I read articles about finding our G-Spot during a break from studying up on symbols in the Old Testament. I’m timid & run from confrontation at every single turn-with one exception, my family.
For, oh about 15 weeks now I have felt less than thrilled with our midwife. It was one of those situations where I couldn’t tell you what made me uncomfortable with her and/or if I tried I ended up just stumbling over sentences & saying stuff like “She never calls back.” but something in my deep deep insides was telling me, my husband, and my mother {who has met her} that she wasn’t the one for us.
Because I don’t like confrontation & didn’t feel like dealing with the task of finding another one I was fine just getting through the appointments, finishing up a birth & having a baby. So what if she kind of resembled a vampire & might be kind of freaky to look at for 10 plus hours, so what she has horrible bedside manner, and so what a whole bunch of other stuff I can’t really articulate.
But I felt like since I convinced Shawn to join me in my pursuit of the not-so-conventional birth I could at least make sure that he felt comfortable & solid with everything & everyone involved…and right now he wasn’t.
My huge hangup about the entire thing {besides the added work of research} was I didn’t want to hurt my current midwife feelings. The thought of having to face her-even with just niceness- was giving me panic attacks.
I don’t know what it is about me that in my head I choose to view myself as this strong {thin} confident woman & when I need to be one in life I contemplate having my mother call for me. Yes, I did contemplate that after she offered after I whined I couldn’t do it. I also thought I could play the role of a very submissive wife & let Shawn be the one to call. But both those options just made me seem more of a loser than I probably already am.
After meeting with a potential midwife earlier this week & getting a complete Goddess like empowerment speech I bit the bullet & called her Tuesday…and spoke with her receptionist…and also waited 4 hours before checking the voicemail that I received back…just in case she wanted me to call her back.
But step by step, day by day… you know the rest right?
Have you ever had to break up with a doctor? Do you shy away from confrontation or revel in it?
Twitter: CookiesForBFast
says:
I love this post! I can’t even try to pretend like I’m a tough-ass because I’m the farthest thing from it. Super proud of you that you fired your midwife and found a new one you love – I would have been scared too! I bet you’ll be a million times happier with the new midwife, and you will be super glad you switched… especially when you’re in labor! Congrats
Heather @Cookies For Breakfast recently posted..Snaps to Sears! And a Few Words on Time Magazine…
Twitter: NorthOnHarper
says:
Awwww… I am so sorry that you were uncomfortable with someone who plays an intimate role in your life!
But am impressed that you fought through the fear/shyness/insecurity to confront the situation and make it better.
I usually just quit seeing a doctor if I don’t like them (which is often). If their office calls to make an appt I just say I am getting a 2nd opinion and leave it at that….
Alexis Grace recently posted..Final Florals: How I wear them!
Twitter: krrobi
says:
–I do shy away from confrontation…but if I feel strongly about something, I will def. speak UP.
Good bitch w/ sexy heels. Yeah, I can dig that.
xx
My Inner Chick recently posted..I Surrender All
Twitter: jamiegall1930
says:
Confrontation is hard, but I always feel better afterwards. I got to say the thing I needed to, they listened or barked back, but in the end, the issue was solved, or discussed.
The thing with this is a one time conversation, and you go your separate ways which is a whole lot easier!
This is both the cutest and funniest piece I’ve read in a long time. I appreciate and enjoy your transparency. I tend to be overly confrontational (except when I’m pregnant, in those times I’ve found myself passive and extremely frail). So although I cannot relate to your piece on a day-to-day basis, I can remember having those very same feelings as a pregnant woman. It’s weird how that works. I say, when it comes to receiving services you’re paying for, you should be absolutely satisfied. If you are not, as the customer you have every right to demand otherwise or move on to something better.
I don’t like confrontations and avoid them if I can. This causes me to put things off, let feelings build up, then when I finally *do* say something I’m usually pissed off and/or crying and turn the air blue.
I say avoid the above at all costs. Plus a midwife is important and if she creeps you out she ain’t the one for you. Sack her and move on