I will not try & pretend these “confessional” themed post will be any kind of series. Because when I promise to continue to do something here at BTBW on a regular I fail immediately. BUT I would like to offer up the chance to you if you’re interested in submitting a post for a non-series series if you like. Send me an email with “Confession” in the subject line {alex at beforethebabywakes dot com}

The last time I used you as my personal priest & asked for Hail Mary’s & such I told you how bad I am at laundry. This time I’m going to confess to you how I wasn’t afraid of becoming a mother.

 I {think} I’ve mentioned this before in the past on here, but I’m not entirely 100 certain. But I’ve been thinking about my emotional & mental state when I was pregnant with Phoenix 4 years ago.

I grew up in a large family & up until baby number 6 my Dad was in the navy which of course sent him out to sea a lot I only ever remember my mom getting really frazzled twice. Once was when I told her the spaghetti she made was disgusting & she locked herself in her room for the night {I think I was probably 5 or 6} & a second time {around the same spaghetti incident} my sister & I were fighting & turned her birthday cake over. Both of these times though my Dad was on a tour.

Maybe my mom was just really good at hiding her frazzledness or maybe mothering came naturally for her. Either way when I was pregnant with Phoenix I felt pretty sure of becoming a mother because I had such a good example.

Even after Phoenix was born I adapted quickly & we bonded instantly. A few weeks ago I saw an article that I think was linked via BlogHer about Motherhood not being the hardest job ever*. I never read the actually post because I missed sending it to myself, but just from the title alone I knew I agreed with the writers sentiments.

 I know some woman have a hard time with motherhood in the beginning & middle & sometimes the entire journey. I know some mothers take months to bond with their babies. And that’s ok. I’m not trying to take a place in a mommy war; I’m just telling you my experience.

Motherhood without a doubt is hard. It really is. Tonight was one of those “Omg” nights. Sometimes you want to hide in corners, jump out of windows or tell them the delicious apple turnover you’re eating is poop just so they don’t ask you for it. It happens.

But I still wasn’t afraid & even now getting ready to write an entirely new chapter I’m going in with only a bit more hesitation then I did the first time, but still with way more optimism then some.

But remind me again that I said all of this in 14 weeks when my strong-willed 4-year-old turns over a carton of milk while my nipple is being torn off by an infant.

How about you, how did you feel when you became a mother for the first time?

*If you know what post I’m talking about let me know because I would still like to read it.