instagram

Well I just checked my pulse & it’s still beating so that must mean I’m alive after the first 4 weeks. The negative side to having babies 4 years apart is the amnesia that occurs in all aspects of newborn care. For the first week & a half I literally felt like I was on an episode of Teen Mom & was being reminded by my crack addicted mother to feed the baby.

How do I change a diaper? Are you allowed to touch the umbilical cord stump? Why is he crying? How will I know he’s hungry? Why is he crying? Shouldn’t he NOT be crying now?

The good news is I eventually remembered everything. But the first week or two was really hard. The first two nights everything was going really smoothly. But by like day 3 & especially night  I was having a very hard time. Caspian seemed to be a baby that could be satisfied by nothing. Our original goal was to co-sleep with Caspian & even bought an in-bed bassinet for him to sleep with us safely but the first week he literally refused to be put down in anything. I spent many nights sitting up & cradling him in my arms as I tried to drift in & out of sleep. By the start of the second week he started showing signs of having a delicate stomach & was often having gas pains. Combine gas pains with the not wanting to be put down & you have an incredibly overtired newborn.

It was during those nights that I felt the most that I in fact had forgotten how to be a mother to a newborn & that the crying would never, ever cease. My first two weeks were rough. I did a lot of sobbing for no reason, a lot of yelling at Shawn for no reason & an awful lot of “Why did I have a second baby?” thinking. But I’m happy to say that has subsided. But I will go a little more in detail later, now is the time to be all happy & “We have a new baaaaaaby!” & not all sad panda like.

Caspian is now 5 weeks old & probably weighs a little over 10 pounds. I have no exact number because I will not be a slave to the scale like we were with Phoenix. I am going to use mommy instinct & right now its telling me he’s eating fine. At his two week checkup he had reached his birth weight so I think we are on the right track.

Caspian has a full head of dark black hair, so full in fact that he may need a trim sooner rather than later. He has two deep dimples that are positively adorable when he smiles. His temperament seems to me to be a little bit high maintenance, but so is his mother. He loves to be held mostly by me & that’s ok because all too quickly he won’t want to be so I am savoring him like a fine lamb chop.

We haven’t exactly gotten into a 4 household routine yet. For the most part Shawn takes over with Phoenix on the days he has school & we always have my family to pick up the slack. Things are often hectic & very, very, very messy. I felt really panicked with the mess the first two weeks & instead of resting I was up cleaning most of the day. Before I knew it I was overrun with exhaustion & ended up getting mastitis & some awful jaw/cheek pain/infection. It was so bad I could hardly open my mouth to eat. I’m trying now to overlook the mess, ignore the laundry, & not feel completely ashamed if we eat out or at my parents almost every night. I know every mom says it, but I really want to be in the moment with both boys. I’ve been down this infant road before & I know that in literally a blink of an eye its over.

 The days are long, but the years are short.