Above Us

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“I can’t wait until I can drive.”

“I can’t wait to be a Mom.”

“I can’t wait to have my own house.”

“I can’t wait until I get married.”

 I’m 25 yet it seems like I was 15 yesterday. I remember my first heartbreak; I remember the heart palpitations from seeing Justin Timberlake on screen. I remember the first {and last} time I drove a stick and stalled in the middle of an intersection. I remember the taste of sweets that didn’t immediately attach themselves to my middle section forever & amen.

And now I’m a mom. I’m a wife.

Last week I spent 5 plus hours talking to my stylist while I had my hair colored {new hair} about everything. Most notably being a mother & wife. She wanted to know what it was like, how I liked it. I explained my life to her like this “It’s like I’m having an outer body experience. Like I’m above my body watching myself. Sometimes I think I’m just playing house.”

When my sister & I were younger we played house. Each in our own separate rooms with our American Girl Bitty Babies tucked tightly under a sibling’s old receiving blanket. Me in my “apartment” making dinner for my husband, always a seafood dish. Play-Doh cooked inside of a real conch shell. Our husbands, high powered executives who wore navy blue suits & crisp white shirts & drove black sedans.

But today I really am I mom. Tucking a baby in, making dinner, & waiting for my husband. I’m an adult & it doesn’t always feel real to me this life that I have, this life that I love. Wasn’t I flirting with boys yesterday? 

“Doesn’t this outfit make me look like a MOM?”

But I am a mom.

“I’m not getting a van. That’s a MOM car.”

But I am.

I float above us as I’m watching my 3 boys sleep. I’m floating above us when we sit around the kitchen table laughing & telling stories. Above us when we are out & about. Me Mom, Him Dad with our little crew, our two boys. 

I wonder sometimes as 15 year old Alex floats around above us if she’s happy.

I think she is.

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6 Responses to “Above Us”

  1. [...] I’ve expressed before how much I feel like I live above my life at times. So vivid are the days I sat doing my Church History homework with my ear pressed to the speakers of my stereo listening to my favorite forbid secular station. Right in the front of memories are me stalling in my Dad’s Saab in the middle of Virginia Beach Blvd or getting in trouble for inviting boys to church {also called evangelism or missionary dating}. Packing away my things to go to Bible school & then packing them up again to go home. I feel like just yesterday I was 12, or 15, or 17 or 19. Not a 25 year old. Not a wife for 5 years & a partner for 7. Not a mother of two. [...]

  2. What a sweet post, Alex. Sometimes I wake up and can’t believe I am a mother….mother to a teenager.Then I look at my kids and I think I done good :)
    Bibi @ Bibi’s Culinary Journey recently posted..Sunday Round Up – Thanksgiving Drinks Edition

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  3. I also often wonder what my 15yo self would think – I hope she’d be happy. I think she’d be more than a bit surprised!
    Lisa D.B. Taylor recently posted..I Hate Worms

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  4. Alexis Grace
    Twitter: NorthOnHarper
    says:

    Right now– as I am on the doorstep of motherhood—I can’t help but look at my life and (Even at 29!) find myself saying “is this for real?! Am I really old enough to be a mom?!”

    Thank you for letting me know I am not alone in this— and I hope my 15 year old self is happy with who I’ve become….
    Alexis Grace recently posted..Wish List: Gemma Redux Necklace

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  5. gabbriel scott
    Twitter: pnpyaya
    says:

    Really Sweet and YES you are a mom an amazing mom.

    [Reply]

  6. Ashley
    Twitter: ashleyspain7
    says:

    what a nice post.

    I really never pictured being a mom as a child. I always thought I’d be so bad at it. Once I got married though it all changed.

    It’s an amazing thing.
    Ashley recently posted..Mommy Confessions: Gaming

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