Because wouldn’t you?
I’m not sure I can accurately put into words right now why I have been so social media MIA in the last several weeks & months. The obvious culprit is that I have a new baby & a 4 year old & that leaves me with little or no time to do anything let alone blog. But the fact of the matter is there are A LOT of people who have new babies and 4 year olds or two year olds or all three of those & manage to crank out some words. So bear with me as I try & crank out words to try & describe my state of emotions.
No one has died. No one has an illness. I haven’t been left single or left homeless. I just have been. I’ve been devoid of all my words, all my ideas, all my motivation. In its place has settled an exhausted & ever frazzled woman I don’t recognize. Every minute of every day I feel overwhelmed. If I’m doing one thing I feel like I should be doing the other.
I don’t want to be that a blogger that complains 24/7 about how hard my life is and act as if I’m the only woman to ever have two kids. I am a blessed woman. Even amongst the strewn toys, clothes, and toilet paper rolls I can look around and feel blessed that I get to be home with my babies even if it is in mess. I recognize that. I recognize that there are mothers that wish they had babies that could make mess and write on walls & almost drop their baby brother. I get it, I do.
Allow me just this small window of time to complain & use the most over used parenting phrase & say “This has been harder than I expected.” Let me say that I maybe a few times a month or day wish I could put on some running shoes & run away, live on a commune like Jennifer Aniston in Wanderlust & just forget about everything else here. Let me just say that I feel drained.
I just can’t seem to get it together. I can’t seem to figure out a schedule, manage my time better. Get my baby to sleep without props & sleep aids. Get him to take a bottle so I can get my hair colored without having to worry my Mom will show up with him so I can feed him. I can’t seem to figure out how to not yell at my son when he’s asking a million questions while I’m bouncing, nursing, cleaning, or D all of the above. I just can’t get it.
But I’m trying.