The occasional single parent

Right now it’s 11 PM on Sunday night and instead of sleeping for another hour before Caspian wakes up I am sitting here watching Glee {Poor Mr. Shue} and waiting on my husband to make an appearance sometime within the next hour if I’m lucky, but if I’m honest three. I thought that instead of whining for an entire post about how hard having two kids is I’d shake things up & tell you why sometimes things are hard with two kids & tell you what it’s like having a husband who works 9,000 hours a week.

If you are a new reader or long time reader with a bad memory let me rehash for you what it is that keeps my husband away for 9 million days a week. Shawn works in the music industry as a music producer/A&R {the person that picks songs for an album}/artist development {see him & him}/studio owner/jack-of-all music trades. He spends most of his time in the studio which can have him away from sun up until sun down. If he’s not in the studio he’s on set at a music video or photo shoot, meeting with brands or record labels or at his favorite Kitchen 24.

When Shawn & I first met he was trying to revive his career & for the first three years he wasn’t working for himself. His hours were regulated by a corporate office at the radio station or car dealership or the funeral home. But while my husband was supposed to be selling caskets he was browsing YouTube & found him & the rest is California history. Our lives suddenly became not our own, we weren’t working for the man anymore & no longer had to worry about how much pay we would lose if he called in sick or took a personal day. Now we were suddenly faced with going back & forth between LA & Maryland.

Over the last three years my husband has only gotten busier, which for obvious reason is very, very good. It beats burying dead people for sure, but now he’s gone a lot. For the sake of being completely honest it has put a strain on our marriage. We fight & yes, we fight a lot about his work hours versus the time he spends at home. In fact up until last week, for the last almost 45 days he hasn’t been home for longer than three hours for more than a day. When we first got to California this was incredibly difficult. Here I was in a brand new city 3,000 miles away from my family & my husband was gone all the time. Now that I have my family here the days & nights pass quicker. I spend a lot of time with my Mom & sisters the nights that he’s gone. We eat dinner there, we do homework there, and sometimes even baths get done at their place just so I can get some extra hands. But I still come home to an empty house & go to bed with the covers still pulled up on one side.

I’m not saying “Listen I’m not complaining” because I do and I am. I complain a lot about this. I cry, I negotiate, I compromise rinse & repeat but, I AM saying “Listen I’m not complaining” because this is what we prayed for, for years. These opportunities, this security, this respect & we he has it now & we have to make it work for us.


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9 Responses to “The occasional single parent”

  1. […] the past when I have to be an occasional single parent for the evening dinner is usually at my parents house or macaroni & cheese or a bowl of cereal. […]

  2. […] home with an infant day in and day out is really lonely & if you are like me & have a husband who isn’t always available it can be even more isolating. I have great built in friends with my sisters & my Mom but […]

  3. Alexis Grace
    Twitter: NorthOnHarper

    Success can be such a double edge sword.

    This is something Lukus and I have discussed as he has progressed in his career and now that we have a new baby.

    The last couple months have been great because he is home a lot and we are living with my parents, so they are around too. But this is all about to change drastically- and honestly I am a little scared.

    I am trying to enjoy the moment and know that the next step- while stressful- will be amazing as well and just another part of the the journey we are taking as a family…
    Alexis Grace recently posted..Giles Fall 2013 Collection


  4. Tricia says:

    I just realized how many typos I have in that last comment. Ugh.
    Tricia recently posted..Kindergarten Homework Doesn’t Lie


  5. Tricia says:

    ouch- that is such a hard thing to manage- it is great you have family nearby…that is something I miss a lot- I am always so much happier when I am near my sisters and parents. But, it doesn’t make it easier to manage marriage stuff when your other half can’t be there- and it’s doubly hard when it is what give the family security- It is great that the work is there now, though! I have no answers or advice- I believe that there isnt a single perfect marriage anywhere- but geographic single parenting can be hard- and re-integration after long periods are very hard (I learned that in the military)…so good luck to your family- I hope you guys find the medium ground that isn’t frustrating….
    Tricia recently posted..Kindergarten Homework Doesn’t Lie


  6. Jamie
    Twitter: jamiegall1930

    It definitely has to be hard,but like you said, at the same time,g reat to see how things have progressed and how far he’s come.

    He appreciates you and all you do for the family. =)
    Jamie recently posted..Try out these #deliciouspairings for a Romantic Night In! #cbias


  7. This sounds familiar. When my older kids were younger Scott worked a lot of hours and I spent some days kinda in shock – where’d my social life gone and who was that person in the mirror??? But it got better. And its great that your husband is doing what he wants to do and you’re in it together. (But do keep reminding him behind every man is a great(er?) woman! :-)
    Lisa D.B. Taylor recently posted..Critical Mass


  8. Holly @ Woman Tribune
    Twitter: WomanTribune

    My fiance is a music jack of all trades as well–a professional guitarist and online instructor, and we turned what used to be a basement apartment in our house into a studio for him. This is great for the noise level and not hearing him throughout the house, but what I wasn’t anticipating is the amount of time he would be down there hard at work. Just recently, in fact, I had my own complain session that consisted of a lot of “It feels like we don’t even live together!” “I miss you and you’re neglecting me!”

    It’s really great that you can see the good in what keeps your husband away for… forever, because even without kids I get lonely because of the work my fiance does.
    Holly @ Woman Tribune recently posted..Wedding Planning Tips on a Frugal Budget


  9. Trianna
    Twitter: thatstoocute

    While I was married, I felt the same exact way. I did everything on my own and resented it, even though I know that he was working hard to provide for us.
    It’s tough when you’re in that situation. Just talk and stick through it. And complain. It shows you care. :)
    Trianna recently posted..How to Wear Extreme Wedges


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