So there you have it folks. A woman girl {2 kids & husband & I still consider myself a girl} who doesn’t wear tennis shoes, doesn’t like to sweat, can’t change a tire, check oil & refuses to take out the trash is now going to be a mother to TWO boys. Oy vey!

When the ultrasound tech started & I saw Baby Boy Blue stretched out I saw immeditaly that there was certainly a penis & not a vagina. But we had Phoenix with us & he was really hoping for a girl so I kept my mouth shut. Still Shawn & I both were pretty surprised to hear her confirm that it was indeed a boy. 

With Phoenix I knew almost from the day of conception that I was breeding a boy, but this time I felt pretty confident it was a girl. We have even been settled on a name for some weeks & have lovingly cooed the name to my belly. The girl name when said just felt right, it felt like it just was. 

I wasn’t & am not disappointed that the baby is a boy I was just really, really surprised. I am a girly-girl so having a girl to be all girl with would be great. BUT I never was all “I waaaaant a girl” It was more that I looooooved this name. Phoenix was actually pretty upset & started crying in the room but we talked out all the fun things he could do with his little brother like eat bugs & play trains & after a promised trip to McDonalds he seemed just fine.

But liked I explained to Phoenix, Baby Girl ABC is still in heaven & Jesus sent down Baby Boy Blue because he was ready to go first. 

Ahh! Two boys. Is it a pretty fair guess now to say that since I don’t clean my house will always smell like pee?

Those are my breast.

Sitting not so high above my pregnant belly.

Resting in a sling that could be tighter, maybe should be bigger, & probably definitely cleaner. 

My breast are enormous.

Taking over my body like lice takes over your first graders head.

Expanding to the sides & under my pits.

Hiding the days goldfish crumbs or a lost earring back.

Sagging under the knowledge of breastfeeding, of mastitis, of swollen & cracked nipples.

Where they are trying to go, no one knows.

And still 20 weeks to go

These are my breast

For a special edition of baby bump pictures that is somewhat naughty check my Facebook page. 

Edit: I also woke up this morning realizing that I’m not 19 weeks. I’m only 18…but who’s counting. 

Excuse me if I reek of cabbage & kale onions & garlic. Yesterday was such a long day of grossness. The first few bites we’re easily digestible because with the mix of tomatoes the soup was basically just a vegetable soup {duh}. But after having to eat that shit for 8 hours I couldn’t handle it anymore. Technically I didn’t complete a full 24 hours & broke down at 8 & got a bowl of cereal. 

I did hit the crawling up the wall hungry phase as I was told I would but never the “my ass is exploding” part that I’m sure I was supposed to by my midwives repeating of “getting really sick”. I got a headache & I felt sick to my stomach, but nothing ever, uh, manifested. 

I called my midwife this morning & unfortunately she’s a bit hard to get a hold of & I’m waiting for her to call me back to let me know if I should continue this any further. 

How did my husband do? Not well. He had two little plates of what consisted basically of onions & gave up by 7 & went to bed. I guess its better to be asleep than to be hungry.

I know all of you are chopping at the bits so here’s the recipe.

1/2 head of cabbage

Half a bundle of kale

Half a bundle of spinach

1 head of broccoli

1 large white onion diced

4 gloves of garlic minced

1 Can of Diced Tomatoes

1 Cup of Water

Salt to taste.

Cut it up, put that shit in a pot boil it up until it all sweats down about 30-40 minutes & try eating without vomming. 

Legal Disclaimer: Obviously I’m not saying that this soup cures preeclampsia. We aren’t entirely sure I have it & this soup was serving as a detox to rid my body of extra protein {I think} but I have limited medical training, well like none & even less understanding of medical stuff so I just blindly follow medical orders. If you have The Clamp check with the person in charge of your lady parts before actually going on this detox. 

So I have preeclampsia. And I have a baby who’s measuring 2 weeks ahead. And I have a date with boiled vegetable soup all day today. So how’s your week been so far?

Tuesday was my appointment with my midwife & each time I’ve gone I’ve had pretty high proteins in my urine. She warned me at my first visit that getting the clamp was possible but that we would see. My blood pressure has also been clocking in as high as it should for the entire pregnancy. The only good news that usually comes from appointments is that my weight is good. How much I weigh & how much I’ve gained are questions I don’t ask. 

Tuesday I’m optimistic that I would have some good news with everything. I went in with my big gigantic pink water bottle, my apple & my new maternity capri pants. 

After I peed in the cup I sat the whole time saying “No protein, no protein, no prot- Alexandria can you come here for a second” SHIT. And there under the garish bathroom light is my pee & a test strip & a big screaming green square telling me “Your body is screwed up!” and this time it wasn’t just a maybe it was “Yeah you certainly got The Clamp.” 

I cried & apologized for crying & cried because I apologized. We talked & she explained that she felt very strongly that I did have The Clamp BUT my blood pressure was surprisingly low & I had no swelling which are the other two signs of it. She did say that there could be other reasons for protein in the urine but we need to eliminate The Clamp before we go any further that’s why I’m going on a 24 hour champagne diet broiled & steamed vegetable diet. The idea is to rid my liver/body of everything that’s “extra” and hopefully control this or see next week that it was a fluke & there is no disease. After that I then go on a low glycemic diet which I’m not entirely sure what that entails except I can’t eat sandwiches which are like the best thing in the world.

So people keep me in mind today as I eat kale & hopefully have my body crash & than come back up again. Also my husband who eats no veggies ever at all is also going on the fast with me in solidarity. He said he helped make this baby so he’ll help keep herhim safe. Yeah he’s a good guy. 

I guess I should try to do all three wifely duties Thursday & maybe add a 4th duty as well.

See you on the flip side.

Love-

Veggie Tales 

source 

1. I’m going to workout my entire pregnancy.

2. I’m not going to gain as much weight as I did the last time around.

3. 7 weeks pregnant “I think I felt the baby move!” no bitch that was gas

4. I love my baby belly, I’m going to embrace the two piece like Nicole Richie did this summer!

5. I can just wear non-maternity clothes in just like a bigger size right?

6. I’m pregnant so I can’t really do much, doctors orders {ok so maybe this has been just my lie the last few weeks}

7. You know I haven’t really eaten much today, I’m starving. I only had a bagel, a sandwich, a banana & a yogurt. 

8. Obviously I remember to take my prenatal vitamins every morning. 

9. I think it’s kind of cute when my shirt rides up just a bit, don’t you?

10. I really enjoy getting those vaginal exams from the doctor {ok maybe, hopefully no one actually says that}

Have any of your own to add?