No matter how hard we yell from our bench at the playground while keeping that one trained eye on our children we mothers always find ourselves defending our position. Whether it be to slip our feet in heels & grab a briefcase handle in the morning or slip our feet in well-worn Converses & grab a sticky hand. We holler & scream that our choices should be respected & honored. Often the ones we are yelling at are ourselves; reassuring our hearts & minds that we are making sound & wise decisions. Sometimes we are yelling {even if just in our head} at the people who are staring at us as we nurse our babies with or without covers. And sometimes, sadly we are yelling at other women, other moms who sit with their noses turned up as we give our best.
By now every one of you has seen every single Sh*T so & so says about so & so videos. Today on my Facebook feed The Birthing Site posted one called Sh*T Mainstream Moms say popped up. Intrigued I clicked & watched. But honestly my mouth dropped in horror as the opening title did a bait & switch, Sh*T Mediocre Moms Say. The basic premise of the video is all the things we mainstream, uh I mean, mediocre inferior barely adequate moms say to the extraordinary superior incomparable crunchy moms.
I don’t consider myself a crunchy parent by any means although if I use this Sh*T Crunchy Mamas Say video as my barometer I may be one, I still would not put myself into that category. Sure I had a home birth, considered eating my placenta {and greatly regret not doing it} I nurse, I sling, I co-sleep(t), and have delayed some vaccines. However, I don’t cloth diaper, never shopped at Whole Foods {accept to buy a NoseFrida & highly overpriced lunch box} I don’t compost, I own a stroller, and often OFTEN feed my children McDonalds, declare a sugary day {ok actually Shawn declares it}, allow more TV than most, and have circumcised both by boys. Laid back or even hybrid parent I am. But mediocre I am NOT.
I have always been a little scared of the Crunchy parents because their message always comes with such haughty authority but I have sat across from some & nodded & listened as I tried to just remember that they are just scared parents like us all fumbling for the right play. But Dear creator of this video, it makes you look like Regina George.
A mediocre mother is Casey Anthony. A mediocre mother is the one that leaves her child in the car to go shopping. A mediocre mother is the mom that stands by as her boyfriend beats her child. A mediocre mom is not the mom who has chosen to place priority on the way her sons treat others rather than if the orange may or may not have pesticides. A mediocre mom is not the mom that proudly bought a crib & used it from day 1. A mediocre mother is not any mom that pours every ounce of her soul & being into a child.
Moms have to fight everyday. We fight with our children, sometimes our spouses, with our skinny jeans, with the package of Oreos, with the laundry & the dishes. We shouldn’t have to also fight with the only other people that can understand our plight. We are doing the best we can. We not good enough moms have also done research, we have also done what we think is best for our brood. Don’t ever think we haven’t.
I watched a Dateline last night about a son who was on trial for killing his mother. As I sat & watched this I was also listening to Caspian cry his little heart out in his bed. We had prolonged sleep training as long as we could but finally decided that enough was enough. In order to be a good mom I need to get sleep so we made the hard decision to let our 9 month old cry. I sat listening to a man on trial for killing his mother & wondered. Did she let him cry it out? Is that why he hated her? Did she not give him organic fruit snacks? Or did she remove his foreskin without asking? Is that why he was so filled with rage? Probably not. It was whatever it was. But my point is this. In the end standing there no one asked him what kind of mother he was raised by. Every morning, night & noon I play the tapes of my parental decisions and wonder if I will be able to look back at the end & feel happy about them. I misjudge, under estimate and over correct. I try & fail & try again. I will never know if I made the right decision until I’m at the very end of life surveying it all & looking at happy, successful, compassionate children & neither will you incomparable crunchy mom.
