I know it has been a really long time since I’ve finished up my Bible School engagement story. I’m not great with the follow through. Remember 30 Days of Truth? 

I’m going to take a detour in the story of that failed romance go off the chronological path & tell you about the first flowers that he gave me, which also happened to be my first flowers ever received from a boy. So the stakes were high.

When I turned 16 my parents bought my grandmothers car & gave it to me, but I wasn’t able to bring it to school until that Spring because I had yet to get my driver’s license. 

When my parents finally drove my car into town my fiancé offered to take it out & get it all cleaned for me. I agreed & handed over the keys to his friend, because my 19-year-old fiancé did NOT have a license. 

When they finally made it back I was told that there was a surprise waiting for me in the car. I giddily headed up the hill imagining all the wonderful boyfriend type surprises I might find.

When I opened the car door I started looking around…nothing. My friend R piped up & said “Aletz I think this is it” looking down there sitting on my seat was a bunch of dead flowers picked from the side of the road secured in a rubber band…

“R. You’re lying. This is not it. This is a joke!” “I think it is Aletz. Oh my gosh…” as she busted out in laughter. 

I grabbed my dead road kill flowers, slammed the door & sulked back to my dorm room.

A few weeks later while during laundry R had received a beautiful bound box of flowers by post from the same friend who helped my fiancé pick out my spectacular bundled. 

To say I was jealous & slightly mortified would be an understatement. I mean I was the girl with the epic love story. The Romeo & Juliet fighting against all odds to be together, the girl with the ring on her finger and all I got was road kill?

I’m pretty sure R or her admirer eventually said something to my fiance because a few weeks later he went to what I’m sure was the only florist in town & delivered to me was a beautiful bouquet of roses…

But even still I can’t help but think that those road kill flowers was a sure sign for a dead love.

Thank you to Interflora.co.uk for sponsoring my dead romance story

If you haven’t been reading any of my bible school romance adventures here is the beginning. must come out, the bubbled bible school & doctor that’s when the screaming started. 

A few weeks later it was Thanksgiving & with his hometown being only an hour away from mine he rode home with my friend & I. After we got home I hoped in my car {still with only a permit but my parents let me drive anyway ::yikes::} & took him to a restaurant that his Dad & grandfather were at in town.

At the restaurant we went inside & I met his family. When we said goodbye his grandfather pulled me aside & told me that I was Ralph’s wife & the Lord had spoken to him & we were going to be like Rebecca & Isaac {the great Biblical romance} & that God had many amazing things in store for us. Afterwards he said he hoped to see me during the break & wanted me to come to his church & sing.

Before moving on its imperative that I explain to you his grandfather. His granddad was a little bit of a rock star through out area churches. In fact when Ralph told everyone who his grandfather was at school I immediately called my Mom & was like “You’ll never guess who’s here”. He pastored a church in a small town in Ahoskie, NC but was widely known as a prophet. My parents & I had seen him many times before at other churches & he had prophesied over my parents. Being a “spirit filled” Christian I believed in prophesy. Every church service, tent meeting, & conference people would wait around to receive a word from the Lord…and when you did you left feeling more empowered than you did before. 

I believed* in prophesy & when his grandfather gave me this word I felt more than ever that my fate was sealed. For me personally I was still unsure of this life that seemed to be unfolding in front of me, but I believed that if the prophet said it, it was true & I just needed time to line up with God’s plan.

The break was fine & nothing earth shattering happened. I admittedly {sorta} enjoyed hanging out with him. Don’t get me wrong I had no real romantic feelings for him. But he was nice. Thanksgiving break was over & we headed back to school all eyes on us. 

The time from Thanksgiving until Christmas passed without any fanfare. Because of the confirmation that I felt I had received during Thanksgiving by Christmas I had started to come in line with the plan. I even told him I loved him. Did I? I honestly don’t know. When I told him I certainly didn’t, but if I ever did I during the course of our almost year relationship I don’t know. 

By Christmas we were a full-blown secret couple. We made it home for Christmas break I bought him a present, he did not return the favor. I headed down to his church one Sunday scared out of my mind practicing my song all the way there. Towards the middle of the service his granddad called him up front to give a testimony about how school was going. I remember he got up & talked about how before he left for school he was drug dealer hooked up with the wrong crowd but that he got his life together & God gave him me.

That was my cue.

I smoothed the imaginary wrinkles out of my black Limited wrap dress & made my way to the front. I took the mic, closed my eyes & I sung. When I was done his grandfather took the mic back & made another prophetic declaration that God had pulled the veil back on our life & that we were destined to be great, do great, the whole 9 yards. Afterwards there were oohs & aahs over my beauty {their words, not mine} & approving glances. In droves they came up to me telling me how grateful they were that I had come into his life, that before me they weren’t sure where he would end up, but that I had saved him. It was almost like being at the Westminster Dog show & I had one best of show.

Before I knew it Christmas break was coming to an end & with just a week left of break there was the looming question in the air. I knew he wanted to kiss me he had said so many times before. But I was still just 16. He was my first real boyfriend. The first guy that I was allowed to give that title too. Before the other 3 boys were just friends said with lots of winks, nudges & sly smiles. But this was a real boyfriend. Even if the title could only be used in secret. 

And that night well past midnight I let him kiss me goodnight. 

via pinterest 

**I still believe in prophecy. I still believe that God uses people to do many things, one of those things being to communicate to us. BUT because of my personal experience with prophecy gone bad I now approach it differently. I no longer take a prophecy & run with it. It’s never the last or final word.

Psst. I was syndicated {again!} over on BlogHer. Please make sure you stop by!

You know how when you walk up on someone & there is a smell of trouble reeking havoc with your stomach. That was Ralph. When I first saw him this sentence literally formed a sentence in my brain “Oh, great he’s going to like me.” I’m serious people, verbatim from my brain.

The afternoon that I received my special birthday card {< part 1 of the story} I called my Mom & told her what happened. My Mom’s response “Al, you should pray about him.” But I didn’t want to “pray” about him. For all of those not indoctrinated into the ways of Christian courtship “praying” about a person was asking God to show you if that person was the one you are supposed to marry.

I told my Mom that I would pray about it & I did. But I felt that I was not tuned in enough to hear the Lord’s voice & specifically asked him to give me a dream & in that dream I wanted him to show me married to him, old with him, having babies, a wedding, anything that would signify that he was my husband.

He mind you felt he had already received the confirmation. He said the first night he saw me he saw a halo over my head. I maintain that what he saw were my awesome legs in my knee length skirt & wrap up heeled sandals. A few weeks went by & nothing happened. The first night we spoke about all of this was after a bible study at a church members home. We stood near my friends light brown Chevy Blazer & he told me “I have dreams about you.” My response “Uh, Ok” “I had a dream that I was at my grandfathers church, you know I’m supposed to take over his church right?” His eyes huge telling me that at this news I should be putting my hand out for a ring. This is usually important to a young Christian girl because marrying a Pastor is like marrying Harvey Weinstein. For me, it was a life sentence. “So you had this dream & I was in it?” “Yeah. You were my wife.”

I had a guy that I left back home, the sail boat loving oldest son of my youth Pastor. Even after my embarrassing stint of touching his cup he still decided he liked me. We “dated” for a few months. Dating meaning we liked each other, but never really went anywhere just tried to sneak in as many group trips as we could. We managed pretty well actually. We thought we were each others “ONE”. We were going to sail the world & he was going to buy me a pet tiger.

I was 15.

A few days before I left for school he told me his parents felt like we should break up so that I could focus on finding the Lord in school. His parents felt so strongly about this that they didn’t even let him say goodbye to me before I left.

Cue violins.

It was November before I finally heard from him again, only a few short days after my first conversation with Ralph. He called & we talked for a little while. He told me he still loved/liked me a lot & was upset with his parents but still wanted to be with me. He had plans to talk to his parents that night about us & was going to call me the next day. I waited around the phone all.day.long & he never called. I was heartbroken.

It was that night that I had what I thought was my dream sign. I was in a dance hall with horrible brown paneling sitting in a vinyl booth. One of the teachers of the school started asking some of the secret couples when they were going to get married & they excitedly spitted off dates & details. He turned to Ralph & I & asked us “So are y’all gettin’ hitched?” {he was from Tenessee} my response “Well, uh, I guess so”

I woke up that morning wrote a note detailing my dream & slipped it to Ralphs roommate. I had, had the dream & I felt my answer was yes. Yes, I would break the rules with him & secretly date him & slip notes inside of lunch containers & freezers and act like this was really what I wanted for my life. Why? Because I thought God said so. 

That was the first time my ears started ringing from the screaming inside of my own head.

via pinterest 

On Tuesday I started telling you the story about my first engagement. I was limited to only 400 words so I did the best I could to squeeze it all in but really glossed over the juicy bits. Every comment asked for more of the story. 

And I’m a genie in a bottle baby.

I’m a 15 year old girl packing up the rented Pontiac Aztec like I told you in an earlier post & headed up to the mountain’s of Virginia to a little place called Rocky Mount Virgina. It was a small town with a corner store, a Walmart, Apple-Bees & a Sheetz. The main attraction was the towns locale church & Bible school. 

Upon arriving at Rocky Mount you make your way down a long road that drives you pass almost every church members home. When you reach the end of this road you check your heavy Christian rock music at the gate & enter a world of deer jerky & prayer services. The school was nicknamed many things but for the purpose of my story I will only tell you two.

The Bubble & Bridal School.

The running joke was that you didn’t leave the school ever or you didn’t leave the school without a ring on your finger. And just thinking about my class alone. It’s truth.

A few people back at my home church were concerned that I {and my BFF} had decided to attend. They said the rules were ridiculous, it was like prison & I would never last {they could get a job at the Psychic Friends Network that’s how accurate they were}. I wasn’t concerned. My theory was if I keep my head down & did what they said I should have no problem. And as for Bridal School? Puh-lease I was “dating” the youth Pastors kid. I wasn’t looking for a boyfriend. 

I arrive at school in August & instantly fall in love. The first 3 months were amazing. My BFF & I met another kindred spirit & we were Frick, Frack, & Fruck. Inseparable. Gangsters for Life. The ART Club.

The bliss was short lived.

On my 16th birthday {see this FAQ for why I was at school at 16} I was working in the kitchen after lunch {which was one of my duties} & one of my male classmates walked into the kitchen & gave me a card. When I opened it I saw the Tasmanian Devil on the front with a beating heart saying something about being crazy for you. My heart literally stopped because I thought it was from the boy in front of me & I was not happy about that. I really, really liked him but only as a friend. I thought {and still think} he was one of the nicest most genuine people there. 

I looked up at him “Um, what is this?”, “Just open it” he urged me. So I did.

I didn’t even spend time reading whatever the “Devil” wanted to tell me. I immediately focused my eyes on the name scrawled at the bottom. “Ralph”.

My heart. In throat.

For the last few weeks I had been hearing rumors that I had a secret admirer. I instantly knew it was him because all the Tupac worshipping boys always seemed to be attracted to me. But at this stage in my life I was strictly Avril Lavigne. Jared&Jared.  I had heard that he moved from sitting behind me in class because my hair was too distracting. I remember hearing him mumble to me a few times about how good he thought I smelled. I was also told that the lust buster he wore around his wrist was for me.  And now here in front of me was confirmation & I knew it would not turn out good. 

I shoved the card back in its yellow envelope, grabbed my jacket & ran back to my dorm room. 

That evening our dorm monitor made her way to my room & said she needed to speak with me.

“Is this about the card?” I asked her.

“It is” 

“You don’t need to worry. I have no interest in him AT ALL. AND I have someone back home.”

All of which was true.

I was not {and never was} physically attracted to him or emotionally. To me it was just another guy who had fallen for me {and my big boobs}. But even more than that, if I started a relationship with him I would be breaking the most important rule. No dating in first year. I had no intention of doing that. I was a good girl, always had been. I liked, no LOVED school. I had friends, people liked me, I was learning a lot & doing well. I did NOT want to mess it up.

I didn’t. 

So how did I go from that to a tiny diamond engagement ring? 

Just wait & see.

 Programming Note: There is a new comment system installed called Livefyre. I used it the other day on one of the Duggar bashin’ blogs & really like it. It has the ability to tag like Twitter & FB & emails you instantly upon a new reply. Apparently though this feature & my readiness to use it made me seem over zealous & enthusiastic & not in the good way. I just thought I was doing what I was supposed to, which was to carry on a discussion, isn’t that what comments are for?  So talk amongst yourselves & let me know what you think of it. And look over at Facebook, I need some help. 

Update- Livefyre is not working-

Long before I was a mother stroking the cheek of a pre-schooler while we role played the Bernstein Bears I was a 16-year-old girl embarking on my first solo adventure. Bible College. My intentions were good as I made my way to evening church serves & early morning intercession. 

What starts in the dark…

I was finishing up my kitchen duties for the evening & listening to the local Christian contemporary station when he walked into the cafeteria in a large white t-shirt & baggy grey sweatpants. My eyes did not immediately lock with his nor did my heart stop as he stared it me. It was a non-event {at least for me}. As I finished cleaning, I made small talk with him & the other boys that had made there way into the kitchen area well past dinner. 

It wasn’t long before a Tasmanian devil card made its way to my hands & prayers passed my lips as I did what any normal God fearing courtship focused teen did. I prayed for guidance & direction. Here standing in front of me was a boy who I normal would not even give a passing glance to, had it not been for the fact that he was telling me he had visions of me as his wife. I had to pray about it if only to get him to move on.

I said a prayer, I laid down a fleece & before I knew it I was in a relationship that was completely against the rules with someone I couldn’t even stand. But when words like God, visions, dreams, spiritual & the one come floating past your ears you to tend to become a little more than hazy. 

We were quickly engaged in hopes that, that would eliminate the pressure of the rules that so weighed us down. It didn’t & by Spring of that same year I was packing my bags to go home & plan a wedding for a relationship that would never make it past the opening bell. 

I could & should get into all the details that followed my exit from school & the demise of the relationship, but I think that’s best saved for another time & RemembeRED prompt. 

What starts in the dark…