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I am only a little bit ashamed to say that the episode of Modern Family from last week where Lily drops the F bombs has happened in my own house a few gazillion times. It is completely my/our fault as we/I {but mostly me} cuss like Bible school students who have been more or less kicked out of a g<odly establishment, possibly because that is exactly what I am. I’m like an Amish kid on rumspringa. 

The first few times Phoenix dropped a few choice words I cringed, the other times I cringed & scolded him but secretly smiled when he used them all in the right context. That has to count for something right?

Maybe it has gotten a little out of control & he’s aching for his turn on Jersey Shore or Jerry Springer & maybe we really need to cut down on someone swearing, be it the child or the parent.

But for now I think I’m raising a little irreverent bad ass & that might be a good thing.

1. “Mommy drop your weapon & get on the floor!” – Clearly he’s destined for a role in law enforcement & that makes me beam with pride. Also there may or may not have been a time he told me he was going to shoot me in the head if I didn’t let him do something. But everyone has a lapse in judgment right?

2. Colorful language as described above- Do I really need to say it? This kids vocabulary will certainly having him score in the Harvard range on the SAT.

3 “Mommy I just don’t care what you say!” – He’s not a follower. So when your kid wants to hand him an ounce pound kilo of coke he ain’t going to take it.

4. Said in the most sarcastic tone “Whatever you say Mommy.”- He’s going to be a good husband don’t you think?

5. Lying. “It makes my baby happy if you clean up for me”- Do I smell a novelist?

6. “Mommy go to Maryland” obvs loosely translated means “Go to hell Mommy”- He has a love for geography & travel. 

7. Me: “Phoenix you are being a whiny baby” Phoenix “No you are!”- Fairness & equality for all. 

So the next time you want to kick yourself for some bad kid behavior, find that silver lining. It’s there people. It really is.

What is the worst behavior your kid displays that they picked up from you?

But all joking aside this kid has a serious case of empathy. Last night while his Dad was out of town & I came down with a case of the morning evening fuck me all day sickness he came into the bathroom started rubbing my back & said “I’m going to help you Mommy! I’m going to take care of your baby. Just bare down!” Through my barf colored hazed I melted.

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Some point during or after the holiday season with the big green tree & blinking lights there was a controversy brewing over at Mecca Mom aka Target over some breastfeeding Mom.

My husband was the one who actually brought the thing to my attention & after reading it I thought Target acted unfairly & that had I had a nursing baby of my own I may just make a trip to Target to protest with the masses. Until a week or so later when I came across this article & picture about the sitch & had a slight change of mind.

I am a huge, huge, breastfeeding advocate. Liquid gold all the way baby. I cried when I started, I cried when I was told I couldn’t breastfeed, I cried when it felt like there was a lighter running over my nipples & I cried when I stopped. It was truly the most, blah, blah, magical moment ever.

I have always been a supporter of women being able to take care of their starving & screaming baby when the time called. And when I first read the story of the Texas Target mom I thought that Target made a big no-no. Here you have a mother sitting in Starbucks with her feet propped up on a chair nursing a bottle of water & an infant with her Hooter Hider…wait…or maybe not. And I changed my mind.

I don’t think I can support the notion that a woman should be allowed to nurse her child in public with her breast hanging out like in this picture. I just can’t.

Yes, if you are a nursing momma & the time calls to whip those puppies out you do the damn thing girl, but let’s do it with a modicum of respect for the other people around you. Would I be quick to call it gross or disgusting or unsanitary if I saw this? No, but would I think it was  & a tad bit inappropriate/rude, to be enjoying my hot chocolate & biscotti while having to take in some womans areola? Yes I would.

Just because one of the functions of a breast is to give life & nutrients to your child doesn’t mean you have to put it on display. My vagina also has a life-giving function. Next time I’m at Red Lobster {which is never} should I prop mine up?

Everyone has the right to eat, but its rude when diners around you eat with their mouth open. 

And also as I read the comments on this post & see that the original mother had 4 kids with her & was sitting in the middle of the floor I take back my “I’d support it” comment. If my 3 year old needed lunch I wouldn’t sit him in the middle of the aisle with a Happy Meal. Common decency. 

What are your thoughts on breastfeeding in public? 

I am not the best parent by any means. I could spend hours telling you how bad I failed just today alone. But sometimes I take pride in the fact that some parents are a little worse than I am.

This weeks parenting fails:

Rachel Crows parents get the parenting fail award this week because they most certainly have seen that type of tantrum from their daughter before & should have assured her long before audition time that she would probably be sent home. I have no particular qualms about Hollywood children but I do have a problem if you are not properly preparing your child to endure national singing competition heartbreak.

8 year old gay activist boys mother gets the 2nd parenting fail award of the week because, ok we get it.You’re gay & gay is awesome. Really it is. And Michelle Bachman & Rick Perry might be small minded Christian bigots who need a bit of talking too. BUT do you really think your EIGHT YEAR OLD child is the person to make that statement? The little boy had to be reminded of the cause he was their protecting I mean really. FAIL.

Did you see an awesome parenting fail this week? 

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