I have finally cooled down enough from last night to write my original post. I think Shawn is trying to get in touch with Kim Kardashian’s people to see if her engagement ring is for sale as an apology present.

Speaking of husbands and marriage & that whole kit & caboodle. Let’s talk about sex. Grandma, In-laws, MOM & family combined look away now. Seriously. Look the freak away. Look away.

I don’t usually talk about my sex life on my blog & can only think of one time I broached the subject on my blog because like I mentioned yesterday there are family & friends who read this shit & that is hella uncomfortable. But I’m breaking one of my blogging rules today.

I grew up in a Christian household. I signed purity contracts, judged teenage moms & people with STD’s {ok I still judge people with STD’s}. Sex growing up was always something that’s reserved for married couples & married couples only. That’s how God designed it blah, blah, blah. But secretly I always thought married sex sounded incredibly boring. 

Sex with the same person for the rest of your life? I always had this idea that sex in marriage was only to procreate. I imagined candles & Lionel Richie music & people saying things like “You complete me.” and “Lets stare in each other’s eyes.” It was not sex, it was making love.

Shudder.

That phrase alone makes me want to vom.

I always felt like I was going to be robbed of an experience like you see with couples in movies. Something steamy & hot. I thought the only way you could have good awesome sex was with someone you weren’t supposed to be with…like a boyfriend. Sex was fun in the dark, in a dark alley, in the back of the car. Not in a bedroom with a boring husband who strokes your hair.

Obviously time has certainly changed my point of view of sex {family I really hope you listened & turned away}. I’ve had sex with boyfriends & with a husband {mine, not someone elses} & sex is just as thrilling & better with a husband.

BUT. I still have one huge hang-up about sex. I hate it during the day or in the morning.

My husband is a very busy person. He wakes at the crack of dawn & by the time I stumble out of bed he’s worked out for two hours, read AND watched the news & polished off half his to-do list & is ready for a nap. Because he starts his day so early he’s ready to pass out by 8. But I’m not. I want tv, talk time, & then sex…at 11 PM. But he wants it during the day because if not he’s asleep.

Just the other day he mentioned an afternoon rendezvous & I recoiled at the idea. “Really?! Ugh. It’s only 2! Can’t you wait until tonight?” and that spawned a whole conversation about my idea of sex.

I think I recoil at the idea of afternoon sex because it feels like we are fulfilling a parenting cliche. The idea makes me feel unsexy & momish & old. 

I’m not even 25 yet. I haven’t lost my sex drive, I don’t feel less appealing now than I did before. If I give into sex in the afternoon it’s just one step away from a minivan & Aerosoles. 

So talk among yourselves in the comments about sex or about how incredibly tacky I am for writing this. But talk. 

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Inspiration struck me this afternoon for a post while in the grocery store with my husband trying to figure out dinner-which was super delicious in theory but turned into a mushy mess. Ugh.

But I just had a huge fight with my husband & right now I am steaming mad. Like steaming & I can’t even think straight to write a decent post. PLUS the post I was going to write was about my husband & I’m not feeling really lovely towards him now.

And the worse part is I wish I could blog about what this particular fight because I’m 90% certain that there is a bunch of you who can relate & maybe even pass on some words of wisdom. But I can’t…why? Because I’m the stupid person who decided to inform all my family that I have a blog so they can read everything & that may not be a great idea since some of it may involve them. See I’ve said too much already I must not continue…

But if you insist. Tell me what you do not to make up with your husband because really I can’t explain to you how far that thought is from my mind, but tell me what YOU do to get back to your center. You know the place. The place that isn’t the place where you are still mumbling under your breath & maybe kicking his shoes on purpose or wanting to stab him in the leg with your overgrown toenails while you sleep.

Ugh.

 Maybe I should start an anonymous blog don’t worry I’ll post the link once it’s up. 

I’m going to go eat a Skinny Cow ice cream sandwich because irony is therapy. 

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But the truth of the matter is I’m not. I’m not as feisty as I seem inside my head. I’m painfully shy-until you get me talking in which I get a bit socially awkward & tell you about that time my bible school friends & I read articles about finding our G-Spot during a break from studying up on symbols in the Old Testament. I’m timid & run from confrontation at every single turn-with one exception, my family.

For, oh about 15 weeks now I have felt less than thrilled with our midwife. It was one of those situations where I couldn’t tell you what made me uncomfortable with her and/or if I tried I ended up just stumbling over sentences & saying stuff like “She never calls back.” but something in my deep deep insides was telling me, my husband, and my mother {who has met her} that she wasn’t the one for us.

Because I don’t like confrontation & didn’t feel like dealing with the task of finding another one I was fine just getting through the appointments, finishing up a birth & having a baby. So what if she kind of resembled a vampire & might be kind of freaky to look at for 10 plus hours, so what she has horrible bedside manner, and so what a whole bunch of other stuff I can’t really articulate.  

But I felt like since I convinced Shawn to join me in my pursuit of the not-so-conventional  birth I could at least make sure that he felt comfortable & solid with everything & everyone involved…and right now he wasn’t.

My huge hangup about the entire thing {besides the added work of research} was I didn’t want to hurt my current midwife feelings. The thought of having to face her-even with just niceness- was giving me panic attacks.

I don’t know what it is about me that in my head I choose to view myself as this strong {thin} confident woman & when I need to be one in life I contemplate having my mother call for me. Yes, I did contemplate that after she offered after I whined I couldn’t do it. I also thought I could play the role of a very submissive wife & let Shawn be the one to call. But both those options just made me seem more of a loser than I probably already am.

After meeting with a potential midwife earlier this week & getting a complete Goddess like empowerment speech I bit the bullet & called her Tuesday…and spoke with her receptionist…and also waited 4 hours before checking the voicemail that I received back…just in case she wanted me to call her back.

But step by step, day by day… you know the rest right?

Have you ever had to break up with a doctor? Do you shy away from confrontation or revel in it?

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I had picked up leeks & bacon this week at the grocery store to make my favorite Quiche Lorraine & when the TODAY Show teased a cooking segment with leeks I perked up because I knew I’d have two left over.

And boy oh boy {as Phoenix would say} am I glad I did.

Below is the recipe which can be found on the TODAY Show website along with two other spring veggie pastas. This pasta was delicious & even with fatty bacon left me not feeling super gross & full. The only difference I made to the recipe was using fettucini noodles because that’s what I had on hand. Sorry about the cell phone pictures. I’m no Pioneer Woman people.

Ingredients

• Salt
• 1/2 to 1 pound spaghetti
• 3 tablespoons olive oil, divided
• 4 ounces chopped pancetta or good bacon
• 2 chopped, cleaned leeks (about 1 pound)
• 4 eggs I used 3 eggs & probably could have done with just 2 
• 1/2 cup grated Parmesan cheese
• Freshly chopped parsley for garnish

Preparation

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Remember how last Monday I was all basking in the morning glow of motherhood. Waxing on about the chirping birds, morning caves, and all that other ra-ra-ra being a mom rocks stuff?

But isn’t it just like the Universe of Motherhood to pull the rug from under you when you’re prancing along learning letter & writing with glitter pens to say “Uh hold on a second Mrs. Cleaver, you don’t have this shit quite locked up yet.”

This week was a long & trying one. We only have 1 car, which at times is frustrating but considering Shawn works mostly from home it’s not an issue. We’ll get one eventually in the very near future but it’s not an immediate issue…unless it’s a week Shawn has meetings & sessions. Like this week.

Phoenix decided this week that everything we could do at home was boring*. Monday we went to the park early & spent most of the day outside, but after that, temperatures in LA reached upwards to the 90′s. If it was a cooler week we could have very easily walked across the street to the huge mall & spent the day there. But the thought of leaving the apartment to empty the trash was making me panic {obviously this is just an example because I don’t do trash}. I’m 6 months pregnant & it was effing hot.

By Saturday I was done & frustrated & wanting to be anywhere but home. So we hit the movie theaters with my family & saw Chimpanzee {cute}

But that’s when I thought of crawling into a dirty mall corner & rocking back & forth. He talked & asked a million related & unrelated questions the entire movie. And had no less than 5 meltdowns in the mall afterwards when I told him we were not riding the train. And while waiting for my parents movie to let out he found chewed up gum & stuck it on his Percy Train. He spun around in circles, climbed railings & tables…

And I cried in the mall food court.

Here I am 6 months pregnant with a baby I was desperate to have to expand a family that I feel immensely proud to be a part of.

I was rooted in my chair & could feel baby #2 dancing his way around my uterus while my oldest is wreaking havoc on The Westfield Promenade & I all I could do was cry.

How in the world am I going to handle a second child? How am I ever going to go in public again alone?

I could feel the stares from the young married couple & their parents from the next table over and I was this close to going up & saying “When you have kids you’ll understand…bitch” in some kind NeNe fashion.

I couldn’t even get up to get him when he started climbing the railings because-and if I can be completely frank here- I knew if I got up I may use more force than necessary to corral him & I never want to be that mom. Ever. So I sat & he climbed & spun circles until I felt I had controlled myself to calmly walk over & stop and/or remove him & place him in the seat.

I wanted to run & hide but where was I going to go that he would come following after me hollering as he goes “Mommy! Mommy! Where are you going?! Mommy answer meeeeeeeee!”

I still have no idea how I’ll handle two kids, if I’ll ever see the sunlight, if I’ll ever have contact with other people but I’m going to try & if all else fails…I guess I’ll try again because really what else can you do?

*If you have fun easy at home things to do with an almost 4 year old let me know or better yet pin them to this board I’ve opened to others to pin to. 

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Among some of the popular ideas floating around the internet I usually find myself on the far opposite of everyone. I’m not a feminist. I don’t want a woman president. I don’t have a problem with calling your daughter beautiful or a princess. I’m a Republican…that proudly supported Bush & proudly did NOT vote for Obama. And often when I read things from the blogging community I find myself thinking “Is that really what you believe or are you saying that because you’re afraid of being flamed or just anxious to hop on the trend?” and one of the popular blogging ideas I don’t support is the idea of “trolls”

Yesterday morning I was checking Instagram & I stumbled on a website that bashes other bloggers. I was intrigued and while eating left over cheddar biscuits I got “acquainted” with the site. Some of the stuff I found was outright mean like a thread dedicated to the ugly bloggers but at some of the stuff I found myself nodding in agreement. After going back pages  I stumbled on a post that I had read in the past about trolls & was struck with the same feeling I had the first time I saw it.

If trolls bother you so much you should stop blogging.

How many times have I, how many times have you read a post or a FB stream or Tweet from a blogger who’s going on & on about a stupid decision from a celebrity or a parent in the news? Those post & streams garner all kinds of trolling. The Duggars break records whenever they announce a pregnancy & bloggers never, ever, ever shy away from publicly trolling them.

So why aren’t bloggers allowed to be the same target?

If you are a blogger & I a reader I have every single right to comment about something you have said/written good or bad. If you put something on the internet its open for public consumption. Why do bloggers get a right to demand the kind of criticism they get? There’s a “close comments” option on WordPress for a reason. Here’s a radical thought- if you don’t want opinions from others stop writing a blog & get yourself a pretty leather bound notebook & journal. Than hide that shit under your mattress circa 1999. Don’t threaten me with hunting down my IP address-which I’ve always wondered what will you actually do with it once you have it?

There are a lot of bloggers that I don’t like. I find them to be incredibly boring & narcissistic & the main goal seems to be being branded as “witty”. I get sick of hearing the buzz words “I haz…” I’m sick of seeing poster size pictures of their kid(s) ALL.THE.TIME I get it. They’re cute. Most of the stuff is boring dribble about what they eat & where they go. But still I read them because there are rare occasions that they post interesting links that take me away from them and to something a trillion times better & that’s OK. What bothers me though when I read these blogs is all of the comments that do nothing but encourage the blogger to be more narcissistic. And that buuugs me. And when there is a negative comment everyone gets all “white knight”. Political correctness bothers me.

Say what you mean. Say what you want, live unapologetically. 

I enjoy bloggers who don’t give a fuck. Two years ago there was a huge Twitter stink about a Bump blog contest & how one blogger was making fun of another blog. That blogger was MODG & you know what? I worship her. She says what she means & means what she says. I respect that. I don’t respect people who tiptoe.

Leaving a comment or having an opinion that doesn’t make you feel all unicorn & narwheels inside is not the same as bullying. Its apart of the job. 

Please let me know in the comments what you think. Should bloggers get tougher skin? Am I just a mean girl? Do you have commenting policy on your own blog?

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 Like all smart bloggers my mind is always ablaze with topics to write about. Sike. But sometimes it is, more times its not & I’m sure my blog shows it. But I just keep writing. When ideas do hit me I write them down in Catch Note on my Droid. Sometimes it’s just quick titles or paragraphs or whatever.

Last week I had an idea for a post about things that would come in handy when pregnant. Unlike Rachel Zoe’s top 10 my list is actually REAL. I mean when is the last time you said you needed 6 inch wedges when balancing a basketball under your shirt, yeah me either.

Here’s my list {let me know if you recognize a pattern}

1. A catheter.

2. A bed pan

3. Chucks- you know the things they give you at the hospital so you can,er, uh bleed all on it.

4. Overnight Depends

5. Ice packs for your undies.

6. Nair

If you haven’t gotten the theme by now let me tell you. There are two. First theme- {Mostly} items you can find at a hospital and second all items related to your bladder or your down there region.

That’s right inquiring minds, I’ve reached that forgettable & frustrating part of pregnancy that has me running to the bathroom twice an hour…and not to throw up. Before I actually hit REM sleep last night & before my husband came to bed at 11 {I went at 9} I peed no less than NINE MOTHERFUCKING TIMES. On the last time I actually cried because I had to get up again & with the baby only being the size of spaghetti squash I fear this can only get worse.

Some of you may be scratching your heads & wondering what the ice packs are for. First. Do you remember the ice packs? I stole borrowed like 10 of them when I had Phoenix {along with the mesh undies} I thought they felt fantastic! Those are for all the chafing I’m getting down there because of all the extra {TMI ALERT TMI ALERT} leakage I have going on. Yesterday I was walking like I was balancing a basketball under my shirt AND between my legs. And to make matters worse I couldn’t see the chafing, only feel it…

This leads me to #6 because duh, like I can actually shave anything past my belly area. Who knows what it looks like right now?

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The sun was breaking through the ugly vertical blinds that adorn my one bedroom window. I grimace as I think about the mess I know I left behind the night before. The laundry piling up, the toys under the sofa, under the table, strewn across the patio & the inevitable minutes I’ll waste during the day picking said  toys up & over & over.

I roll over and the clock is glaring at me. 8 AM. At least I still get that. I still get the sleep I so desperately need. Not a morning person, never have been & hopefully never will be. I don’t drink coffee so mornings are even worse for me. I need sleep until 8 AM and sometimes beyond. Luckily for me my sleep comrade is still snug under Ikea & Target blankets.

I make my morning cell phone rounds. Instagram, TweetDeck, DrawSomething. Pursing my weekly to-do list I check off things that I did accomplish & remove things that I know just aren’t happening this week & add more that floated across my mind during the night hours.

On my right I start to hear the stirs that have become so familiar to me over the last {almost} 4 years. Someone is starting to wake up. “Waking up a preschooler is like opening a box of chocolates”-Me. This morning however he wakes up much like his Dad does. Those are always the good morning, the sweet mornings, the easy mornings.

“Did you sleep well?”

“Did you have dreams?”

“Can we go into a cave?”

And we do. Slide under the covers & hide from Smookie the Ghost or Megatron or Daddy. We do this until his giggles start to mix with the sound of a lawnmower, the birds chirping, & the outside world starting their day.

His little red curls spill over his face & he turns to me nose to nose. “Can we snuggle Mommy?” and we do for a few more moments. Pure moments. Moments that aren’t interrupted by whining, negotiating, begging, yells, & transforming. These mornings I cherish & then I feel someone else stir within me & wonder “What will morning with two be?”

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1. I don’t always sort the laundry.

I have a love hate relationship with laundry. Some weeks I love it because I feel I have a legitimate excuse to sit down & watch Peoples Court for the hour and a 1/2 it takes me to fold. But then other weeks I loathe it. I’m famous for starting a load & forgetting it until the next day {luckily no smelly mold incidents} or having to restart the dryer after searching for an item & finding that it has been sitting in the dryer for a few days. I also hate ironing. And never, ever love it. Not ever. Therefore the dryer & a moist wash cloth are my BFF’s. 

I hardly ever use bleach because I hate the smell of it & it inevitably always ends up on my hands no matter how careful I am & I walk around all day being repulsed by my own Cloroxy smelling hands. Bounce sheets only find their way into the Target cart when I feel like spending money but can’t find anything to buy. Stain remover is also an item I never ever remember to buy & usually the bottle last me a good year because I forgot to actually use it. It only occurred to me a few weeks ago that I’d probably end up with a lot less “play shirts” for Phoenix if I just used a stain remover.

There are a myriad of laundry tips around & even more now that Pinterest exist. I love the one pin that suggest writing down in dry-erase marker what stuff gets hung up & not dried. But I’d forget to actually write it down, although I do always remember to hang dry a lot of our clothes.

One cardinal laundry law that I follow once in a blue moon is the color sorting rule. Because I am the laziest housekeeper you’ll ever meet my housekeeping is done the same way. If I feel a great sense of “homemaker pride” I sort colors, I pull out delicates, I wipe down walls & inside the fridge. But most days I have no homemaker pride & that means that laundry just gets dunked in the machine & what comes out, comes out. The laundry God’s do me a solid with not letting my clothes get all moldy when I leave them in the machine & they also allow me to wash & mix without very many problems. 

Today. I sorted by colors. Why? Because I bought a new white gap shirt & wanted it to stay white. 

Have any housewife confessions to get off your chest?

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Name? Marcella is my full name (named after my Great Grandmother, God rest her soul) but you can call me Marcy…  Truth is nobody calls me Marcella unless I am in trouble

#1 beauty product you can’t live without.  I hate leaving the house without makeup on period but if I can at least put some mascara on I am good to go.  I still have yet to find my FAVORITECAN’TLIVEWITHOUTIT mascara BUT I normally always go for this…

Do you use Pinterest? If so what are your favorite things to pin? If not, WHY?! 

Yes, I love Pinterest!  I don’t think I could get through my work day without it!  I love to pin quotes, food, clothes, etc.  Make sure to come follow me! Follow Marcy on Pinterest! 

iPhone or Droid?  Proud owner of a Droid and I love her! …Yes, it’s a her!

Mac or PC?  PC that rarely ever gets used except by my girls when they are you tubing LMFAO’s song “Sexy and I know it,” and dancing like hetherns around the basement!

What celebrities life would you like to take over for one thing.  Kristen Stewart so I could be closer to Rob Pattinson…  lucky little beotch.  Doesn’t she know that Rob is muh man?

$2000 shopping spree to what store? Kohl’s.  I think I would piss myself if this ever happened.  I would be in total retail heaven.  I can usually find so much bang for my buck there and $2000 would just tickle me green… get it?  Okay dumb.

What was your shortest relationship ever? Can you beat Kim K’s 72 days?  An hour.  In seventh grade.  Give me a break people.

When the day has gotten away from you what is your go to meal for your family?  Spaghetti and meatballs.  It’s easy and quick and there isn’t one individual in our picky household that doesn’t like it!

Your husband gives you a day pass. What celeb stud do you want to spend a PG day with?  If I had to pick just one (haha) I would say Rob Pattinson… duh! PG? What PG?

What blog post of yours are you most proud of? The one I wrote just the other day to announce that we are expecting…  Apparently people like babies… who knew?  It got the most comments and the most page visits out of any blog post I have written thus far…

or if we want to go sentimental…  I wrote this one about my Dad and it still makes me cry.

Thank you Marcy for participating & being so patient with me getting this up! Everyone make sure to follow Marcy on Twitter & Facebook!

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